Sex: When to set the boundaries
Written by Ruth Olurounbi Sunday, 05 February 2012
YOUNG girls, and surprisingly older ladies are conflicted on whether or not they should go ahead to have sex with their boyfriends even when clearly they don't, want to. Some of them try to convince their respective selves that if they don't, the boyfriends will leave them or something.
Here's my take on this: He's your boyfriend for goodness sake, not your husband (besides, how many married men have you seen walk out of their marriage because their wives wouldn't have sex with them or do you think that even the married ones have sex every day?). If he wants to take a walk because you wouldn't compromise, so be it. Please spare me the gist that there are few husbands out there because honey, that's just a lie.
If your guy doesn't love you for not getting rid of your panties for him as a symbol of your love for him, your conscience will. So will your body. I mean, how do you explain it to yourself that you gave up so much for so little? Excuse me girl, you know those no-strings-attached-sex don't always mean no string attached for ladies as much as it does for the guys. You don't have to do something because you're pressured into doing so. Let me tell you a story. A guy in my office (who is going to kill me for this, by the way) has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for three years. Guess what, they hadn't had sex those years. Why? Because the lady doesn't want to. She believes in sex quite alright, not just before the wedding. And her man complied. Now, does he occasionally want to have sex with her, sure, absolutely! He is having it with another woman out there? Absolutely not. He loves her too much to betray her trust. Does he have a condition attached to not sleeping with her yet? No. He believes that it is her body and she has the right to make any decision she feels is right for her body, soul and spirit.
You get my drift? You own your body, you are the one who needs to sleep well at night, and therefore, you've to be “selfish” with your own body.
You don't have to sleep with a guy to prove that you love him or to prove that he is the only man in your life. It would be foolish to do so because darling, who is to tell that he wouldn't wonder if you're “convincing” another man of your love somewhere out there behind his back?
Who is even to say that he wouldn't even walk afterwards? Honey, sex isn't going to help you keep your man, at all. If sex does, the world wouldn't still be harbouring recently-single-ladies out there. Sex would sure have kept your friend's boyfriend from leaving.
A man who loves you will not pressure you into giving yourself up for his own pleasure. A man who loves you will never make you feel that you have to prove your love to him by compromising your standards, that is, if you have one. A man who loves you, who knows what love is and how to love right will not expect you to betray yourself. He will affirm you; he will be your best friend. You've heard alright but I'm just going to say it anyway: “love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,” they will note, is the mantra at such occasions.
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