Achieving a satisfying sex life

By Adia Ukoyen

Sex should be easy to initiate and pleasurable, right? The one simple truth is that life is complicated. And sex, one of humankind’s most pleasurable and necessary activities (think about it - it’s a requirement for the proliferation of our race), is also complex and influenced by many

factors. There’s an actual chemical science to who’s attracted to whom, who likes it how and who wants it when. And like most things on this earth, there’s a magic to it, too. If you’re one of the millions of couples who feel as if their sexual spark has disappeared, it can be disheartening. But you can also get it back.

And there’s one really easy place to start: find common ground! Let’s face it, for better or worse, many people - women in particular - are embarrassed about sex and sexual situations. So, while incorporating some erotica or raring up for fore-play would probably help heat things up, are you really willing to go there? If you are, congratulations, they’re both great ideas and you’re ahead of the sexually frustrated crowd. But if you’re a little bit more shy about such sensitive subjects, while you work on bringing out your inner animalistic tendencies, remember this oft-overlooked sexual secret:, even the least sexual of acts enjoyed together can jump start your sex life!

Remember that whole complicated life thing? Well it’s true. In addition to raging hormones, there are reasons why teenagers always want to get it on: first, they have got the time. As adults, responsibilities get in the way of “recreational” activities. We get tired and there’s only so much time in the day. Sadly, sex often comes lower on the priority list than our hobbies, since we see those as stress relievers. And the heavens know, we need all the stress relief we can get! News flash, everyone! Sex is a stress reliever. And if you fear you’ve lost your attraction to your mate (if you have, I understand; I’ve been on that road myself), think again.

You might just need to see them in the light of something else - something the two of you love!

Whatever that hobby you love with a passion may be, or are you one of those who turn to the bottle to at least help the depression, find something that you love to do together - and do it! (This might just be the greatest task ever, for a Nigerian couple)The more often, the better; but with the expressed intention of keeping things lively, not making them routine. The goal is to see new things in each other (and find a new way of being intimate) in order to rev up the physical intimacy.

I don’t believe that Nigerian men cannot be romantic. They are! They are just not adventurous. This for better for worse business of marriage is a life-long deal. Wow. And only God knows how long this life together could be. Why not live life to the fullest with this special person chosen out of the lot by getting this aspect, and a very important one too, right. This is my candid submission.

Also find ways to charge things up. Try flirting with him but subtly though. This will make you happy and do something for your confidence, as well as his. Every man loves to know that he can make his woman’s “head scatter”. It is all the balm they need for their egos. If he picks it up, then be sure that it will get him thinking. Drive out to the beach (for those in Lagos, and other coastal areas) and spend about an hour on the sands. Keep an eye out for the newest restaurants to try. Plan a trip - even if it’s just for a weekend. Whatever your passion is, give it emphasis in your relationship. Send each other email notes when you learn new things about it. Make an event of things. Create the feeling that you’re a team in this one area and you’ll be surprised at what happens in others. You’ll bond. Then all the excitement you create for sports/antiques/food/adventure/music/books, whatever, will translate to the bedroom … and if you’re at all adventurous, way beyond!

Someone whispered to me in the course of writing this piece, asking what my New Year resolution would be. Let me make a confession here. I have never kept to resolutions, so over the years, I stopped making any. But this year, I have made two: I want to be a size 16 by March, and I want to shave my hair. Before now, I was comfortable in my skin. All of a sudden, I need a change of that skin. And to achieve these will take discipline. That is the key word. So, as I pray that you all keep to your resolutions, I enjoin you all to pray for me too. That means that this is a red card for the Saturday feasts, courtesy of the Sunday desk. No more meat, coke, iyan, etc, ok!

To my colleagues and friends, thank you all for making the year 2008 worthwhile. May 2009 be filled with God’s love and mercy, success, favour, and blessings. We made it!