As a man or woman, have you ever been physically attracted to theopposite sex even without him or her knowing it? Have you been pressed so hard by an unwilling suitor, trying so hard to convince and talk you into a relationship even when you don’t feel anything for this fellow, but terribly attracted to another man or woman, sometimes unknown to him or her?  

As a babe, I have and I think it is natural. I see it as the dynamism of the human nature that no one, not even the principal actors, can explain. At a point in my life, I found myself in a relationship with someone that I ordinarily would never have been involved in ab initio. Somehow, it just happened to the chagrin of close associates and how this guy crept into my life, I couldn’t explain. I am sure you or a close friend could have experienced such before. Isn’t it?

One would also wonder what attraction there is in an obviously less attractive, less intelligent, less positioned and sometimes even much younger fellow or vice versa. A friend and I discussed last week and he expressed his many years undying and unyielding fantasy for a lady, much older national figure whom, according to him, gives him an instant erection each time he sees her face in print or on television.

For over a year now, an interested fellow has been on my trail, doing everything humanly possible from the important to the outright mundane, to get me, a completely uninterested and unwilling babe, very close.

For reasons known to him, he believes he has found a soulmate, while all I have felt for him from day-one and still feel for him, has been nothing. He regularly follows this page and I am sure he’s reading this piece now and all I can ask him to do for me is to pray me out of his mind as I am not available.

The question, therefore, is what is it about human attraction or what I prefer to call human magnetism that makes you not interested in an interested fellow, but hopelessly falling for a seemingly uninterested (at least for that moment) fellow?

Do you remember the baboon in the zoo? Its flaming red butt is in monkey circles, a physical feature that screams sex. If baboons had a fashion or film industry, its women with the most scarlet fannies would be chosen to quicken the pulse and stir the loins of the baboon public.

Although we humans have long abandoned monkey ways, a great percentage of us must admit that the blatant sexuality of Pamela Lee does incite some degree of visceral lust. Human magnetism is a many-headed beast, so the vast majority of us have also experienced a profound attraction to an individual who does not comply with not just our standards, but largely acceptable beauty standards.

In fact, physical attraction is not only fuelled by corporeal attributes, emotions, personality, intellect, sense of humour, attitudes, and opinions are some of the immaterial elements that contribute to the powerful force of attraction. But you know what? We are complicated beasts and though we have since abandoned stone tomahawks, the dark cave of our mind still hearkens back to primeval human beings.

What we find attractive is a complex mixture of biology, cultural values, upbringing, beliefs, and individuality. In some respects, we are mere animals, unconsciously seeking likely and sound mates in order to let off steam or procreate our species with healthy offsprings, but the qualities that separate us from the animals also have an important part in determining who we try to ensnare in our intricately woven love traps.

Birds of a feather flock together and so, we narrow our mating pool based on sub culture, work, interests, religion, ethnicity, and other affiliations. Society takes its toll on who we prefer, but we are still individuals, and our self-perception also influences who we deem a potential lover.

For us to subsist, we must keep having sex and making babies, but since relationships and sex have since been divorced from procreation, there are other reasons for finding a partner. For one, sex is downright pleasurable. Secondly, an amorous suitor makes us feel good about ourselves and of equal importance is the comfort that emotional support, financial input and steady company provides.

Surely, being in an enjoyable relationship seems easier, more productive, and less lonely than going through life alone. We are, after all, social beings, but the primitive mind, fuelled by the instinct to procreate, still insists on having a say in who we find attractive. Deep within the dark jungle of our minds, we are programmed to seek someone fertile, someone genetically different (not a brother or a sister), someone healthy, someone socially and sexually compatible and someone who expectedly can provide the necessary support for child rearing and nesting.

Many forces unconsciously sway our mate-radar. One phenomenon that has recently been the subject of scientific study and cause for general excitement is that of human pheromones. Pheromones are biochemicals that we secrete in our sweat. Many people unconsciously detect and ‘read’ the messages carried in pheromones by a couple of little receptors located in the nose. They can have an effect on how attractive we find certain people.

To be continued