Act One, Scene One: Teniola told Tife, her fiancé, that she wanted to pick up a book from a store nearby. As she stepped out, she realised she needed to quickly see an acquaintance and off she went. And then she screamed: “Oh! I forgot to tell him exactly where I was going. I didn’t know this would come up now. Oh my Gawd!  I can’t let him down now, when I get home I will call to explain.”

Act Two, Scene Two: Teniola got home to face a totally new challenge, deserving full attention that trivialised previous issue, including her proposed call to Tife.

You see, the most primary issue of any relationship is based on trust, love  conditionally or otherwise and  they are the things we often overlook, as naturally unfolding circumstances may warrant. Come to think of it, is it not true that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it? So, it takes years of faithful and loving effort to build up a relationship but only flimsy oversights can bring it all crashing down in your face and painfully enough it gets worse when you are ignorant of it. Nothing as this can be more torturing to both parties.

Being a good human being, a warm-hearted affectionate person is fundamental. Having a caring and compassionate heart will bring happiness or peace of mind to oneself and automatically create a positive atmosphere for a relationship to thrive.

Most significantly, being unabashed in everything, however small or insignificant, will fortify your love.  Many a times in relationships, the man boils over things his partner will naturally pay less or no attention to while on the other hand, a woman explodes over issues he thinks she should naturally understand or will understand if he places his card well.

From time immemorial, women have wrongly been proclaimed the weaker sex; they are treated by our forefathers in manners that portrayed them weak, not-so-deserving, before us as we grew up and so unfortunately, the young men of today end up falling in the same trap, doing the same but in variations as the circumstances may be.

Ladies alike carry into their relationships, foreign discourteous manner of interactions just as women play down on minor but sensitive issues in the home. Frankly speaking, no matter how loving and prepared both parties may be, besetting oversights are pins that bear tiny holes in the bag of a smooth relationship and ticks that suck the juice out of it.  A Yoruba saying goes thus: A forbidden soup is a spite when offered.

I have learnt that good friends have a way of bringing out the best in each other by way of being open to any degree. In every relationship, be it married, courting, admiring at a distance or even friends at a distance, phone pals or pen pals as we use to have in those good old days, openness is the essence of everything we do. It brings the peace, momentum, life, fun and excitement of the process. It, most of all, guarantees the future of both parties without fuss.  

Commonly on the streets of Naija (Nigeria), they say “No Shaking!” It guarantees the security of you both; it positions you to conquer other challenges together, it makes you one, it makes you winners and it expels and purges you both of any greyness or darkness such that you want to scream and wonder aloud:  “Wow! What an affair! Is this a dream? Do I really deserve this man or lady God has blessed me with?”

This reminds me of my favourite lines: gaze into the sky, desire a height, make a wish and leave the rest to God, you never can tell it may come to pass in your affair just by doing the right thing. Do not be puzzled, do not think it can’t happen, stop asking why not me? You need to be as open as much as is needed by your partner. Remember, it is a common knowledge that if you can’t make someone love you, what you can do is to make yourself someone who can be loved. So, in the light of this, do to your partner what you want him or her to do to you.

Openness is a serious business of advantage in a relationship. Do not hurt yourself by keeping quiet about certain things in your relationship because, for all you care, they are ephemeral. To your greatest surprise, they will become the stronghold on which the fate of your highly cherished relationship will rest upon. Little things have a natural way of feeding on time to become insurmountable controversies, thorns in every flesh.

Funny though but it is just the gospel truth, it is like keeping a cub in the same house where you raise your family. Of course, your family will thrive and the cub will grow to become a lion and there is no doubt where the hard truth is. In all fairness, keeping a cub will bring you all the joy of having a tamed wild animal in your possession as pet, well, to your satisfaction, but bear in mind you are keeping  your peril at arm’s length at the risk of your beloved partner, children, if you have any, peace of mind and image at large.

This will certainly bring you mischief one day and this cannot be over-emphasised. It will shed blood someday and it will painfully be the blood of your loved one. Don’t position yourself at the bottom of this food chain.

(To be continued)