A few months ago, Bola ran into a friend, whom she has not seen in the last two years. They greeted

each other warmly and thereafter, Bola asked after her aged parents. Sheepishly, she told Bola it was a long time she saw them as she was now living with her fiancé. Whao! That’s lovely, exclaimed Bola as she thought or believed everything was perfectly in order. (Probably she is happily married.) But the look on her face gave Bola the answer to her questions and she was forced to narrate the whole story to Bola, on how her fiance and his parents insisted she got pregnant before they could be allowed to get married.

“I would have preferred us  got married first before getting pregnant”,she shrugged, “but he doesn’t want us to go ahead with the wedding plans until I’m pregnant”and she started sobbing. Bola wondered if the story could be real; she consoled her and gave her some words of advice and they parted.

Thereafter as Bola lay in her bed to sleep, she could not help but pondered on this issue of getting pregnant before marriage. Could this be real? And why?

Marriage is an institution that is God ordained. In a marriage, a man and a woman come together to became one. The couple are seen on their wedding day looking radiant and smiling all through the day.

They are full of hopes, especially the bride, who is expected to be seen with a protruding tummy  after some  months into the marriage. But the reverse is the case today. The wife who is expected to get pregnant after the wedding is already seen with a five or six-month-old pregnancy even before the wedding day. Thus, bringing different expressions on people’s faces.

The big question now is, should pregnancy be a condition for marriage? Is it advisable for one to serve as a criterion for the other? It is believed that, the essence of marriage in all the holy books is primarily for companionship and child bearing; Oluwakemi Aremu sought readers opinion on this issue. Excerpts:

Tunde Adegboye, engineer: Why do we like to please the created rather than the Creator. Getting pregnant before marriage is not a guarantee for a lasting marriage. I have seen a situation where the groom’s parents insisted that the bride got pregnant before the wedding day and she did, but shortly after the wedding, she lost the pregnancy. Up till today, she is yet to conceive. I will give you another example, a friend of mine has been married for over eight years and she is yet to have  a baby, but they still believe that there’s nothing impossible for God to do and they are still holding to their vow of eight years, till death do them part. Lastly, I did not marry my wife as a virgin and I did not force her into getting pregnant before we got  married in December 2006. But today, we have two wonderful children.

Oladimeji Olanrewaju, student: Yes, it should be because some women could be very wicked and dangerous. Getting pregnant for me before marriage will give me total assurance that my woman is fertile.

Bishop Olanbiwoninu Owotide: The attitude of some women today, both married and unmarried will make men question their integrity, and the only way out is to get the lady pregnant before marriage in order to prove that they can bear children.

M. B. Waziri: As for me, If there is love between the couple-to-be, it’s okay. Some people make love out of pleasure without being in love with themselves. So, if they are forced into marriage, it won’t last.

Oshikoya Adegbenga: If a man insists his wife-to-be gets pregnant before marriage, then probably the man does not have 100 per cent trust in the lady because the lady might have made some mistakes in the past, which could make her chances of getting pregnant after marriage to be 50/50. In as much as fornication is a sin before God, intending couples should do away with it. Some ladies do so many deadly things at the early stage of their lives to get money. So, I won’t blame any man who wants pregnancy before marriage and for the ladies, please,
keep your dignity.

Abisola Agboola, educat-ionist: Yes, it should be. Even if your spouse trusts and loves you, what of the people who surround him? To be sincere, it is due to the experiences some men have had that made most of them lose confidence in women. Personally, my spouse was the one who deflowered me and despite the love and trust, we both agreed to have a baby before our marriage and to the glory of God, our plan worked out well. What matters most is understanding. Pregnancy before marriage is not a big deal; it depends on the agreement of both parties.

 Ibrahim Oladepo, self-employed: When you want to buy a Tokunbo car or engine, the seller will tell you that some of them are tested, while others are not and definitely, the tested ones are more expensive. If you were to buy, I am sure you won’t mind buying the former because it is more reliable and rewarding. So many homes are broken today because of childlessness. But, I don’t support promiscuity, but I will rather advise my male children to aim their gun, focus on a target and shoot.

Moreso, It is not compulsory you wear a white gown on your wedding day, you can wear pink or any other colour.

Oluwatobi Afolayan, medical doctor: I belong to the school of thought that pregnancy should come after marriage and that if after marriage, your spouse is found to be infertile, you should go and adopt a child. Truth be told, the usual victims of this pregnancy before marriage are desperate men and women of low moral standards. I don’t mean to judge, but the truth must be told. If you had your morals in place and you are not desperate to keep a man in your life, why should you even have sexual intercourse with a man who is not your husband in the first instance?. In my opinion, no woman should subject herself to such ‘’äppraisal’’. You have every right to shun a man who makes pregnancy a condition for marriage. It is clear that such a man simply wants a child-bearing-machine and not a life time companion.

T. O. Onipede, legal practitioner:  I want to believe religion is what is affecting us in Nigeria today. A country, where we have the law binding us to get married before having sex not to talk of getting pregnant. How many youths of today can boast of total abstinence?.

In a situation where we have a family doctrine, binding on a woman to get pregnant before their son can marry her and she loves the man truly, won’t she succumb and leave religion out of it? Condition or no condition, a woman should know what she wants and stand by it.

Kuzayet Salem Bowsan:  The world in which we live today, especially Nigeria, is one that, if a marriage is not blessed with a child, it is seen or viewed as a failure. Some  even see the situation as a curse which brings problems from extended family members.