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Help me, how can I avoid polygamy? (II)
Thursday, 29 July 2010
Dear readers, she vowed not to have anything to do with polygamy because of her mother's experience. She married the man she loved, who never told her he was married before. But the former wife came out of the blue; begging to be taken back by her husband. Our writer now faces the prospect of sharing her husband? She needs your councel, Monica Taiwo.
Dear Taiwo,
Six months after Daniel met my people, we got married in a quiet registry ceremony and our traditional engagement afterwards. This was my choice. Right from the time I was young, I never wanted a loud wedding. When we returned from the honeymoon in Spain, Daniel’s aunty came from Ibadan to see us in Port Harcourt. We were close, because of the Yoruba connection and she used to address me as “My mother-in-law.”
On this particular day, I was ill, I couldn’t go to the office; we got talking and she asked if Daniel had told me about his wife and two children who were in the USA. I said no. Then she said it really did not matter if he had not told me. This got me worried and sad. This woman really liked me and she made me promise not to divulge my source of information to Daniel. Although, according to her, Daniel’s former wife had remarried an Oyinbo man, but she really did not see why he shouldn’t have told me about her.
Daniel’s ex-wife (Mimi) is from their part of the country. They were married for five years, and the marriage was blessed with two daughters. Daniel’s dad died and he had to relocate to the USA to take care of his father's business over there. Automatically, he went with his wife and kids, but on getting there, Mimi became uncontrollable. She left Daniel to get married to an English man. Daniel’s relocation to Nigeria was as a result of what happened between him and Mimi. I was shocked when I heard all these; I called my mother immediately. She asked me not to raise this issue with Daniel at that time as he was bound to guess my source of information. She also said that I should be prayerful and ask God for the opportunity to raise the issue.
After learning about this story of Daniel that he refused to tell me, I became disillusioned and I almost lost my pregnancy.
Fortunately, I carried the pregnancy to term and gave birth to a baby boy, Daniel and his family members were elated. In fact, his mother came home from the US to see the baby and she asked that we travel back to the US with her so that I could spend time with her.
As if on cue, one afternoon, a woman called our land phone and asked to speak with me. Grandma (that’s what I call Daniel’s mum) was arguing with her when I came in to the living room. I asked who was on the line. She said I shouldn’t worry. When she dropped the phone, she told me the caller was Mimi, Daniel’s former wife. Shock showed on my face and she asked why, I told her Daniel never told me. She was equally shocked, and she called Daniel to come home immediately.
When he came, his mother asked why he never told me about Mimi could you believe that Daniel had no reason? He only pleaded with me. I was devastated. I cried my eyes out. I was shocked and disappointed and I told him that much. His only excuse was the fact that he had a bad experience and he wanted to forget about her completely. I had no choice, but to accept whatever excuse he gave. He tried to make it up to me, but it never remained the same.
As if that was not enough, Mimi truly was in Nigeria at the time she called. I learnt she had divorced her Oyinbo husband and she wanted to come back to Daniel.
How possible is that? My fear, is I cannot place Daniel. I cannot say I really trust him again. I am afraid of polygamy and everything it stands for. What is my fate in this marriage?
I have also learnt that Daniel’s dad and Mimi’s were very close in their lifetime. In fact, their marriage was like an arranged one. Most importantly, Mimi’s father made Daniel’s dad what he was and what his children are today. Daniel keeps saying it is not possible, but I don’t trust him. He also confessed to the fact that he is yet to be legally divorced from Mimi.
Help me.
Ayoade, Port Harcourt.
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