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Help me, how can I avoid polygamy?

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Thursday, 22 July 2010

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Dear readers, She vowed not to have anything to do with polygamy because of  her mother's experience.She married the man she loved, who never told her he was married before. But the former wife came out of the blue; begging to be taken back by her husband. Our writer now faces the prospect of sharing her husband? How can she avoid polygamy? She needs your counsel,
Monica Taiwo

Dear Taiwo,
Please, help me, I am at a crossroad. I am so confused; I don’t know what to do.I am a product of polygamy and I have vowed never to marry a polygamist. But how was I to know that I was going to fall victim of the same thing my mother fell into? I am the only female child of my mother’s four children, also the last born. By the time I was seven, my mother had to move out of my daddy’s home.

I was neither too young to know why we left nor see the clear difference between staying alone with  her and when we were living with dad and his other wives. My father had four wives. Thank God for the fact that my mother was very hard working,  as soon as we left dad’s house he stopped being responsible for our schooling and up keep. To the glory of God,  our mother was able to train us and raise us to be responsible adults.

I made up my mind since I was a teenager not to allow any man rule my world or treat me the way daddy treated my mother. Because of this resolve, I avoided men like a plague; that was why I did not have any boyfriend even in my university days.

I met Daniel during my NYSC in Port-Harcourt. He was a senior manager in the advertising company where I was posted to. He was very good looking and rich. Everybody knew that he had another business he was into and  had connections overseas; USA and the UK to be precise.

Despite his looks and his financial status, Daniel was very quiet and easy going. Every one expected him to be a womaniser and the outgoing type, but reverse was the case. I am also very quiet and reserved. That was why everybody in the office even our boss encouraged me to date him when he approached me.

I wasn’t bad looking and we made a good pair. It did not take long before he proposed to me. I was very careful. What I didn’t understand was the fact that Daniel was 42 years old, although he didn't look it and he told me that he had not been married before.

He has three siblings, all junior to him, all of them and his mother stay in the USA. I got to speak with them anytime I was with him and they called. Even during my conversation with his siblings and mother, no one told me that Daniel had a wife.

After my NYSC, I was lucky to be retained at my place of primary assignment. This was courtesy of Daniel and the fact that I also did well. I should mention that before I finished my NYSC, Daniel had left our company and floated his own company which was already doing well.

He came  to Lagos to meet with  my mum and siblings. He came in the company of one of his aunties who married a Yoruba man. Daniel told my mum of his intentions to make me his wife. I was happy, my mum and  siblings were also happy, except for my immediate elder brother who said he had some misgivings about Daniel. When asked what his misgivings were, he said he really could not say but he just wasn’t comfortable with him.

All of us were not bothered by what he said, because we felt his attitude was characterised by the church he attended. He is a member of a white garment church, a member  of the  Celestial church, to be precise and he was always spiritual about issues. I should have listened to him.

( Continued next week)

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