I really do not mind becoming his other woman!

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I really do not mind becoming his other woman!

Thursday, 06 September 2012

Dear readers,
The heart is not so smart! Despite all our writer had suffered from the father of her son and against every counsel, she cannot love another man.

Therefore, because of the circumstances on the ground, she needs your advice.

Please, read and advise her.

Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,
I don’t know where to start from or how to tell my story, but I know I need help and someone to tell me what to do. Dear Taiwo, I am at a loss; my heart aches and I am hurting. The sad thing, however, is the thought that I brought this on myself, please, kindly help me

I am the first daughter of my family. Although I have two elder brothers, according to my mother, a lot of responsibilities rests on my shoulders, especially those of my younger ones; three of them.

I finished my Ordinary National Diploma(OND) and, during the course of my industrial attachment, I met and fell in love with Dare, one of the IT executives at the company where I served.

I really did not know how it happened, it wasn’t what I planned, but Dare swept me off my feet and I fell for him. I am a member of the Celestial Church of Christ and an elderly woman, who was a secretary at the company and who, because of our religious affiliations, took me like her daughter, warned me.

I really do not know why; my parents also did not like him. My father, who normally takes to people, couldn’t stand him and he always told me then that there was something about Dare that he could not place.

I wish Mama Abigail, (that is what we all fondly called the elderly woman in my office) had told me all she knew about Dare. But even if she did, would I had listened at that time?

To cut my long story short, despite all the warnings and advice, I allowed Dare to have sex with me. In fact, he deflowered me and few months after that day, I discovered that I was pregnant.

Dare would have denied the paternity of my baby. If not for his mother. He lived with his mother and I had visited him at home several times. Thank God his mother liked me and when the issue of my pregnancy came up. She stood her ground and refused to allow me to have an abortion.

Apart from his own issue, I had a tough time at home with my parents and senior siblings. Eventually, my father consented to my relationship with him but he stood his ground on the fact that I must finish my Higher National Diploma before we could get married.

I was delivered of a baby boy; Dare’s carbon copy, I never knew even with the joy of the new baby that Dare had other plans for himself. During my pregnancy, in fact from the time his mother insisted that I keep the pregnancy, he became a changed man from the man I used to know. He treated me with so much disrespect and disdain that, sometimes, I was afraid to approach him for anything.

When it was time to buy the baby stuffs, his mother and mine provided the money. Even the day I gave birth, he was nowhere to be found. Fortunately, I was still living with my parents and they provided enough psychological support for me. I went back for my HND, and I went for Youth service. By the time I returned, I learnt Dare had married and was already raising his own family.

I had no choice but to continue with my life. The funny thing, however, is the fact that I was unable to relate with or even date any other man. As much as Dare disliked me, I loved him more.

My son marked his 10th birthday in June and you won’t believe that his father came back that day, asking for forgiveness and my hand in a relationship.

My parents refused to give their blessing. My father said what he was asking for was rather cheap. Dare wants me to be his other woman as his wedded wife still resides with him. People around me feel I deserve more than he is offering me. Even some of my friends are of the opinion that I don’t need Dare. Unanimously, it has been agreed that he should be allowed to take responsibility for his son.

My problem, however, is that my heart remains with Dare. How can I convince people around me that I love him so much that I don’t even mind being his other woman? Please, help me.

Yewande.

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I really do not mind becoming his other woman
written by Segun Olanrewaju, September 06, 2012

Young girl, you don't know what you are talking about. I am from a loving polygamouis home but it wasn't easy. I will advised you to think very well before you go into polygamouis home. Point number two this Dare does not love you, why do you want to force your self on him. All what Dare want from you is when his house is too hot for him or he wants change of scene or somebody to have sex with he will come to you and you will not enjoy a martial life as you will be his mistress/second or unwanted wife. If Dare loves you he should have married you when you have a son for him. Please think twice and free yourself of Dare and move on in life.

you're not the other woman but the first, Low-rated comment [Show]

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written by Oddy, September 06, 2012

My dear, there is a lot wrong with polygamous house. Sorry to say that you will be practising adultery tf you go back to Dare. Give your life to christ and let him shape and direct you to the purpose he created you for. You have made a mistake, ask God for forgiveness and move on with your life, have a personal relationship with God, HE will give you your own husband. Zip up untill the right God fearing man will come your way. I know it may be difficult as your first love but there is nothing impossible for God to do. Luke 1:37

Another woman indeed
written by Eunice, September 06, 2012

My dear Sis ask for God's forgiveness, then go to him in prayers let him direct your path as for Dare forget about him you may love him but is not your husband, pray to God for the bone of your bone to come.

Master
written by Anifowose Damilare, September 06, 2012

Dear Yewande,
The simple advice for you is to leave Dare, despite the fact that you loved him but he doesn't. Pray for forgiveness from above because you didn't consult God before you step in into love affairs with Dare. Though he may be the considerate and your great better half but you didn't wait for the Lord Almight to direct and to lead you. Never thought in a second times to accept him back. See don't let this snare be an excuse for you. The one is coming i mean your lovely and caring husband the one whom God has prepare for you to restore your joy and your bliss again. No problem is unknow to God, God knows about it. Even its may be the steping stone to your unspeakable joy. If he (Dare) come for forgiveness, pardon him and let your mind open to him in pure. Our sincere pray for you is that may the LORD in His infinite mercy guide and guard your path and give you rest.

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written by BS, September 06, 2012

My advice for you is to leave dare and move on with your life, marriage is not manage, you can not please somebody because of love and hurt yourself. please as most as possible to move on

Break the soul-tie ... to become a new creature in Christ Jesus
written by facosoft, September 06, 2012

You do not have a home with Dare. You must not do anything to break his existing home. Remember that God really hates divorce and adultery. You really needs deliverance prayers to break up souls-tie with Dare. Fornication and adultery are not marital licenses! Give your life to Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal saviour, so you will become a new creature (2Corithians 5:17), and old things (affair with Dare etc) shall pass away.

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written by lolo oma, September 06, 2012

Dear lady, please flee 4rm dare cos he has nothing good to offer u rather he will cause u more pain n heartbreak. u hv graduated and he has seen the potentiality in u and hv come to reap where he did not sow. Dear Yewande,flee from him, flee 4rm adultery and subsequent polygamous home that will only fetch u lots of regrets in future. Meanwhile embrace God and He will direct u onto safety cos He is ever RELIABLE AND DEPENDABLE. Good Luck.

Re:I really do not mind becoming his other woman
written by Aderinto A. O., September 06, 2012

hello Yewande,
My only advise to you is that leave Dare alone and face your son. thank God for d kind of parent u have, listening to d advise of your parent. what happen to you. you're not d first person that will happen to. God in His infinity will provide good man for you even better of than Dare. what happen to also happen to me, but today am happily married to soul of my heart. Just cont to pray to God and have focus.

Re: I really do not mind becoming his other woman
written by wisy, September 06, 2012

My dear, when two to three people advice you on something kindly listen; never you allow your arrogant to lead you to where you will falter. Now look at it. The man may love you for the first look but having pregnant for him in the time he doesn't want annoy him. He may taught you were smart in the first instance but coming to know your entire world resulted in taking you as a mere woman. Can i say that you didn't coordinate your self well before him. Moreover, the man intention was not to marry you get me right. He see you as a person who want to spoil things for him that is why he decided to treat you as a dog. So my candid advice for you is to allow the man to have full responsibilities for his child period then get your mind off him because it is you who continuously think of him. The very moment you do that God will bring your own man for you because this man is not your rightful husband. Never you think of becoming another woman for him because the way he treated you during your son pregnancy will sure come back to haunt you again in this regard if you go back there again

Re:I really do not mind becoming his other woman
written by Sekina, September 06, 2012

does his faith permit him to have more than 1 woman.
Is he coming back to take you back as his formally married wife.
& u think you will be able to withstand the other woman's troubles
if your answer is yes to all this you can go ahead, which i as a person will not support if not don't waste your time with him. because he is coming to impregnate you and go back again. To me 4get him, find way to change environment for sure God will give you your own. You will be surprise what he will turn to if you are pregnant for him again. Somebody that abandon his son for 10yrs, what was his excuses. the devil abi & you are sure the devil had left him. a word is enough for the wish

2ND WIFE???
written by Jed, September 06, 2012

You are very daft... If u dare try that, you will come back on this platform to tell us how sorry u are to have consented to become Dare's 2nd wife... A word is enough for the wise.

But if you haven't given your heart to Christ, pls do so, that will help u to make right choice about life...

move on!!
written by keskes, September 06, 2012

my sister he is married already, there is no place for you there.you love him yes, but you have to love yourself first. let the past be the past, forgive him but go your seperate ways. pray to God, your own husband will come. shalom!

-1

He Is Not For You
written by Andy Anderson, September 06, 2012

My dear lady, it’s very unfortunate that you are into this situation you found yourself. I read about some responses here telling you to go ahead marry him or dating him. Too bad.

I wonder why such advise from someone who has read and understood where you’re coming from and where he/she is advising you to go ahead with the man and also to go into polygamy.

Having left you after he got you pregnant and the baby is about 10 yrs now, you DO NOT need such a man around you no matter what. First you have to be careful, maybe he wants to get rid of you and have the baby taken away.

You only needed counseling now because he was the first man in your life. You have earlier made a mistake by not following your parent’s advice by conceding to Dare’s relationship with you. Understand that the taste of friendship is not the taste of marriage. Dare’s coming back, is not a good thing for you now and your future and that of the baby. You need deliverance/counselling to get that guy out of your life as he is evil. Having left you when you needed him most is to tell you the kind of person he is. It is better you allow a snake to come into your house than to allow Dare into your life/house as you can trust Snake and not Dare.

Also, maybe he needed to use you for evil, maybe money ritual and the best way is to come closer to you and accomplish his evil plan. There is a case like yours in which the guy later used the lady for ritual. Be careful. Ask God to give you your husband as every woman have got a man made for her by God. Also understand he already got his family and by asking you back into his life is to show that he is an irresponsible man and will equally destroy you this time around. Run away from him if you need to live your life and see your child grow.

You can allow him take responsibility of his child by reporting him to the appropriate authorities where he will be depositing child support payment and please DO NOT sleep with him, NOMATTER what.

YOU DO NOT NEED DARE
written by Uzoma, September 06, 2012

Dear Yewande, I would have resisted the urge to write to advice you but for what the word of God said in Ezekiel chapter 33 from verse one. He said we should not close our eyes and minds against anyone doing the wrong thing as he God will require the blood of such from our hands should he/she die from so doing. He also said we should go ahead to correct because paradventure the wrong doer may hear and retrace his/her steps. So this is the only reason why I am writing my piece of advice to you. I just want to briefly tell you that you have no need of Dare in your life. Even if he divorces his present wedded wife to marry you it is still not advisable to go to him. So just like many people have already advised you flee from Dare and go to your God in all sincerity of heart and ask him to compensate you for this willful torture from Dare with your own husband. I bet you, God is only waiting for you to remove your heart from Dare and you will see his miraculous works in your life. Good luck.

ASK GOD FOR YOUR OWN HOME
written by samist, September 06, 2012

Having read your write up, i will advice you young woman to go to God in prayer for your own husband, from what i am seeing Dare is not your husband for now. He has already gotten his own home. The way you are going about it, it seems 2 roads are before you, one is full of light while the other is full of darkness and instead of choosing the one with light you are now preferring the one with darkness.
You don't have to cheapen yourself. Thank God, Dare has at last come for his son, if he has asked for forgiveness, please forgive him and let him take responsibility for his son. But to make you a second wife or a mistress, I am not in support of that. You have a bright future, having waited on the Lord for this past 10 good years, you deserve something better than what Dare is offering you. It is one thing to be in the church and another to surrender your life to Christ. So if you have not done so, my advice is for you to give your life to Him and he will grant you your heart desire in no distant time. So my sister Dare is not for you, God will give you your own home. Stay blessed.

Re: I really do not mind becoming his other woman
written by Adeyemi L, September 06, 2012

Yewande,

Once bitten, twice shy. Run away from the evil man called Dare. He doesnt wants you. You are only carried away by his sex escapades. I know, you have been, and still engaging yourself in fornication with him, even for the fact that you know he has someone at home called a MARRIED WIFE. The beggining of the relationship between you and him said a lot. You saw him as a big catch due to his influences on you with his money, been an executive of a company, the money, and influence carried you away to have sold your precious birthright to him. When I was in Nigeria working in Lagos as an IT, Supervisor with a bottling company, been a member of Mgt team that appraise and approve IT students for services, I know how things are been done, I know how all Mgt staff had affairs with many of these IT students as they coem and go. The students usually oblige due to monetary influence. He been the one that took away your virginity doesnt mean he loves you, and I know how a woman feels for the person that took away their precious flower, women tends to love those people because they are the first love; however, this doesnt mean you shouldnt think with your senses. He is offering you to become the second wife. The questions are: Where are you when he married another woman as his own first love? Which court in Nigeria will allow double marriage for him? as it seems he is selfish and wanted to deny you of your right of been legally married. You are not even afraid of dangers in polygamy? I came from one, and it is only Christ that saved me, and took me to this height I am today, though delayed, but all glory be to Him. Do you want to ruin the life, and future of your son. My advice for you is to look up unto Christ. Plead for forgiveness due to your sins, because you had sinned alot. Apologize to your parents, and let them pray for you. Your real man from God, Him who seated on the throne in heavenly places will come to you soon. Let the devil, named Dare go to hell, and mind his own family. If you insist on going back, MARK my WORDS! I am not cursing you; there is danger, and if you are not careful, you will lose everything in life, including your life.

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written by John Abogun, September 07, 2012

If u accept him.......when they re giving award for the most stupid person come out and collect it. Dont know what is usually wrong with girls nowadays, cant u use ur brain and know that u re more important.......

Comment
written by Oduntan, September 07, 2012

Hello.what u need is divine intervention.u need to vehimently pray to ur lord against any odds as u are still in love with him moreover he is still the father of ur first issue and if not for anything that is even enough.my sister,i dont know may be u will nt be restricted by d dictate of ur religion?if the answer is NO,then accept him and take his wife as ur sister and friend if she is still with him but only u nid a serious prayer for God's guidance.

re
written by library of congress, September 07, 2012

i pity you alot, maybe you are under his spell, you better go for deliverance.

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written by kk, September 07, 2012

sorry for you, you love him? ok, if dale dies u will die with him. Better run away fron him peiod.

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written by sunbare, September 07, 2012

Yewande,
That is true for all men, he was your first love, you were too young to understand what love entails. Propably less than twenty years then I guess, because he was te one that deflowered you, your soul is attached to him. He wanted to do eat and run, but because you were naive you got pregnant. I can't blame you and thank God you did not abort him. For him to make you his second wife is unacceptable, if he wants to take responsibility for his son , he is welcome. Move on with your life, you will find love, if only his wife is not living you can go ahead to marry him. But does he love you? Open your heart to anyone serious enough to accept you the way you are, tell him your past, possibly a widower too or someone who has never married. Commit your life to God and let him settle you, but dont allow Dare to impregnate you again. He did not love you enough to stay when he impregnated you. Keep your heart withh all diligence and God will help you. Shalom!

Mr.
written by Samson Ajayi, September 07, 2012

Sometime, I think it is very hard to let go of the first person in our life(especially if first sexual act is involve,because there is a joining/cleaving of the soul) but irrespective of this I think the hard decision to make is just to say a capital NO to Dare....She should put aside the short term pleasure but focus on the long term result of her decision.

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written by oyewale j, September 07, 2012

this is foolishness of the highest order had seen.
you said your parents warned you before your refusal costb you so much and you are about trailing the same path again. anyway best of luck.
a word is enough for the wise.

RUN
written by jen, September 08, 2012

Lady,
Don't be foolish, this man dont give a damn about you or loves you. Ask your self this three questions, 1. where was he when you gave birth to his son, 2. how many times has he asked about you and your son in the past 10yrs. Lastly what made him decide to come forward now. Just let him take responsibility of his son and thats it. i will advised you to be extremely careful around him. you only have ONE life, don't let anyone TAKE it from you or rub you of a happiness in the future.

Bullcrap
written by Rommel, September 11, 2012

Girl or whatever you call yourself,it is clear that you are not good enough to be a wife,how could you dream of such thing? after ten yrs you are still dreaming over failed relationship,an affair that humiliated you,you represent for me what is wrong with our womenfolk,you people are the architects of your own woes and yet you look for whom you will blame,I hate polygamy under any guise and I hate particularly the women in polygamous relationships, in fact,it should be criminalized

Love is not bland open your eye
written by bose, September 11, 2012

Omo you are not serious assume something happen to u during the time of delivery and you are not alive you will still love him if u love your self don’t take wrong step again, Jesus love u give your life to Him and if u don’t love your self and son go back again choice is your

Mr.
written by Adeeyo, September 12, 2012

Dear yewande,
Please forget Dare, this guy does not love you, he is only interested in your unadultrated body, you are still young and if you are patient, you will find a reasonable man that will love and marry for what you are. Do not allow Dare to come back to your life as this might bring everlasting sorrow. My prayer for you is that God in his infinite mercy will guide you right but do not mislead yourself, run away for Dare is not a man to reckon with.

Words of wisdom.
written by adesh, September 12, 2012

Let me inform you point blank that what is bothering you about the guy (Dare) is that the guy disvirgined you so you are thinking of your virginity, no more, no less.Do you what to tell me that as at the time this guy (Dare) was toasting u, you did not have some promising young guy that was telling you to let you plan the future together but you girls with never listen.My advice for you is to learn from this situation and move forward, look for the guy that loves you for who you are and let the younger ones learn from the mistake you cost for yourself, thank you.

Look at the mirror
written by Prof, September 13, 2012

Your heart is leading you into more trouble and instability. You had the option of having a decent relationship with him at the beginning and you blew it because of financial fears. You had a child out of wedlock and he refused to marry you and went forward to marry someone else. He is currently married to the other lady and he wants you for a mistress.
This actually shows how he sees you. Someone without value and lacking foresight. There is still a chance of you finding the right guy and have a wonderful relationship. You should end your relationship with him immediately.

I really do not mind becoming his other woman!
written by Wole Efon, September 13, 2012

I read your story with interest and as a man, I will advise you to disregard your feelings and face reality. The father of your child is legally married to another woman and you will be making a terrible mistake thinking that he is going to leave this other woman and return to you - good enough you are willing to become the other woman but my mind tells me, you would want him all to yourself once he returns.

He loves his son because he is his carbon copy and would like probably to have more with you. Where the rubber hits the road is what becomes of you if you get pregnant again? Surely, he will return to his old self and more importantly now that he has an excuse.

My candid advice will be that you look for someone else who will love you for who you are even if you do not love him as you love Dare - half bread is better than none. The small peace you have now needs to be maintained and mind you, life is not over you never can tell where fate will lead you in coming years.

Please ignore your feelings and face realities.

Mr
written by Muniru, September 13, 2012

My dear Yewande,joo ko la kuro leko eko o kola,this guy does not love you, my advice is simple, move on with ur life and let him take financial care of ur child, God wl provide u wt a man dat will love u d way u ar, i wish u good luck.

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written by Ume, September 14, 2012

If you want to marry dare you go ahead , people who talk about polygamous home don't know what' they are talking about. Tradition still exit and in the bible I can tell you series of quote of marry two etc. when there is conflict in homes, that means the man cannot handle or take care of is home. Now. Marry dare is good for the child and gives him sense of belonging, however before you marry dare search his heart and understand he met for good and proceed first to win the heart of is first wife of acceptance and must not be done with selfish interest, until you win the heart of all only then you can engage in marry dare, where it fails , for you to move on with your life you must automatically, release dare son to him and your son pays you visit, only then the bond between you and dare will be broken and the light shine on your face to move on. If such is not done the presence of his son in your life will never allow dare to depart from you as he is his photocopy on earth and even if you Marry another man while dare son is still with you that marriage will crash because dare symbol leaves with you. The truth is bitter, but understand that what is driving you to dare is not love but the bond of the son leaving with you as well why dare comes back is for good as he believe he was the first man in your life and believes he made mistake and should not be seen as trying to satisfied his sexual desires. This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it '> This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it