- Kogi NDLEA arrests suspected Indian hemp dealers
- FG may review Lagos-Ibadan Expressway concession
- Soyinka, Agbeyegbe ask court to void 1999 Constitution
- PDP’ll win Bayelsa, Sokoto, C/River - Jonathan •15,000 security personnel for Bayelsa poll tomorrow
- Salami knows fate as NJC meets Feb 29
- Senate backs post-UTME
- Scrapping of TASUED is unfortunate - Adebanjo
- Committee on police reorganisation meets IGP •Set to flush out bad eggs
- I was bribed to nail Al-Mustapha, says Katako
- Borno Speaker impeached
- Boko Haram: Security beefed up in Lagos
- Husbands petition IGP over wives’ postings
- S/Court ruling: Gov Lamido, others relocate to Abuja
- Ekiti assembly scraps office of minority leader
- Akerele mourns Aluko, Mbu, Dantata •As ex-Ekiti commissioner mourns Aluko
A mother out of the blue: What do I need her for?
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Dear Readers,
Today's writer needs your counsel. She was raised by her aunt, a woman who she had always known as her mother. After her demise, her biological mother surfaced after 38 years. How would she relate with her? Please, read and advise her.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo
Dear Taiwo.
HOW would I explain a mother out of the blue? How am I supposed to accept this reality?
I am 38 years old and to the glory of God, I have a good, loving husband, two lovely kids, a good job and a good life.
I never missed a mother, since the only mother I knew died six years ago. This funny and sad experience started December last year when I went to visit a friend, who had just had a baby. I hadn't seen her in a long time; we were mates at the university. We studied the same course and were inseparable while in school.
We got married the same year, but unfortunately, she was not blessed with the fruit of the womb early like I was blessed.
She had to travel overseas for treatment. She came back home with a bouncing baby boy to the joy of everybody. I went to see her and I noticed an elderly woman who she introduced as the new housekeeper her mum had got for her to help around in the house. I greeted the woman and did not think about her again.
Funny enough, when I was leaving, my friend’s mum made a comment that she noticed some kind of resemblance between the
housekeeper and I. It sounded funny. If these words were from somebody else, I could have taken offence, but Seeni’s (that is my friend’s name) mum is like a mother to me. We were so close and since my mother died, I had always turned to her for motherly advice.
I went to see Seeni several times after that; even after her mum had left, I always avoided her house- keeper. We call her Sisi Mi.
I don’t really know why, call it intuition, but I always felt that she was always staring at me, and once or twice when I was left in the same room with her, I really felt very uncomfortable.
At a point, I started to ask myself why I felt that way and concluded that it was probably because of Seeni’s mum’s statement.
One, I cannot stop going to see my friend because of Sisi Mi, so I decided to ignore her and whatever she represented.
Early last month, Seeni asked if I knew Sisi Mi from anywhere, I said no. Where would I know Mama Londoner, I asked her? Apart from calling her Sisi Mi, we call her Mama Londoner. She had stayed in London for many years. Only God knows what happened to her to warrant the type of life she is living now. One day, Seeni said she would ask her, but I advised against prying into her affairs because I was of the opinion that if she wanted her to know anything she would speak with her about it. I never knew that what she would say about her past would involve me.
Early last month — February, Seeni called me late in the night and informed me that Sisi Mi asked her for my number. “What for?”, I asked. “How would I know”? Seeni replied me. I asked her to give her the number, I was also curious to know why she wanted my number.
After my discussion with Seeni, I told my husband what we discussed. He was of the opinion that something probably happened between Sisi Mi and Seeni and she might want to report my friend to me. I was confused because if she had a quarrel with Seeni she wouldn't ask her for my number. Whatever, it was, I concluded, I would listen to her whenever she called.
Two days after Seeni spoke with me, Sisi Mi called and asked to have an audience with me. What for? I asked her. She told me it wasn’t an issue we could discuss on telephone. I said I would get back to her since I had her number.
I wondered why she wanted to see me. My curiosity got the better of me, but I decided I wouldn't allow her to come to my house, since I didn't want any undue familiarity.
I called her back and we agreed to meet in my church on her next day off, which was the following Saturday.
She was already waiting at the church when I got there. She looked much tensed up and I wondered why. I never knew she was about telling me something that would change my history.
I invited her into my car, because I thought, "whatever she was going to say, let me hear it first hand". Thank God I did that because if I hadn’t, maybe every member of my church would have known my story by now. Definitely, those who were around would have spread the story.
It was a hot day, so I rolled up and switched on my car engine so I could use the air conditioner. I thought it was an issue we would discuss under 30 minutes and we would be through, but we ended up spending almost two hours.
I had to ask her to start from somewhere, because she said, “I don’t know where to begin” three times.
Her first word and question startled me. “Do you know so so and so?”, She asked me. She mentioned my mother’s maiden name."Yes", I answered her, she was my mother and she’s deceased. "Dead?", she echoed, and when I answered yes, she started crying. Why Sisi Mi? "Do you know her?", Do I know her? She asked three times. "Yes, I did", she said, she was my only sister.
"Your sister?, I asked her, how do you mean?" I asked her again. "I am sure she must have mentioned to you that she had a sister called Clara, didn't she?". Yes, I said. "Well, I am Clara," she replied.
You are Clara?, I asked her again. "Yes, I am", she replied.
When she said that, I looked at her again and it was then I realised what Seeni’s mum said. She actually resembled my mum and I must have looked like her too.
She opened her purse and brought out some pictures of herself and my mother. When I looked at the pictures, I started crying, because some of the pictures were with my mother too. She had them in her album which I still have with me.
Immediately, I remembered the story my mother told me few months before she passed on. Could this woman, Sisi Mi, be my biological mother?
I have always known mum as my mother and to the glory of God, I lacked nothing and if she were to be my biological mother, I couldn’t have asked for a better life.
She had no children of her own and I was treated like their own child by both dad and mum. Dad died 10 years before mum. I never knew the end was near for her, when she called me on her sick- bed and told me about myself.
As at the time she told me, I asked why she was telling me all these, I told her I would never recognise another woman as my mother and there would never be a place for another mother in my life, and, believe me, I meant just that.
Mum told me amidst tears that her only surviving sister, who she believed was still living, gave birth to me.
Their mother (my own grandmother) gave birth to just two of them and my mother came almost 11 years after her. When their mother died, she had the responsibility of taking care of her sister. And, of course, her sister moved in with her when she married dad. Her sister became pregnant with me when she was in her second year at the School of Nursing. She advised her to leave me with her from the time I was 40 days and go back to school, which she did.
Mum told me that I was barely six months old when she became pregnant for another man and eloped with him to the UK, leaving me behind for her to take care of. According to her, she got in touch with her at the initial stage, but later, she stopped communicating. On her sickbed, that day she told me the story, she prayed as she always did that wherever her sister was, God should keep her safe and that she would locate me so that I wouldn't be alone.
As mum was telling me this story, we were both weeping. I told her I had always loved her and would continue to love her. I didn't need any mother. I also wanted to know why she told me she said it was important for me to know who I was and she also wanted me to hear if from her and not from any other person. It didn’t change who I was. Mum and dad adopted me when I was seven years old. Thank God, because I was their only child, and I did not miss anything while growing up. If anything, I had the best childhood any child could hope for.
So this is the sister who left me. Now how does it feel to come back 38 years after? She didn’t know why I was crying, maybe she felt I cried because she was crying or because of mum's demise.
"What do you want from me I asked her?
"Please, my daughter, I can explain".
"Your daughter? Did I hear you say? I beg your pardon"
(Continued next week)
Share
Show/hide comments
Show/hide comment form
UGLY PART: UHMM JUST PUT UR SELF IN HER CONDITION N THINK HOW U WOULD FILL IF U R REJECTED BY UR OWN DAUTHER? THINK OF IT IF ITS U IN HER SHOES? SHE'S A MOTHER N U R A MOTHER TOO, LIFE IS FULL OF MISERIES AND UNCERTAINTIES SO PLS DONT REJECT HER!
BAD SIDE: IS IT BECAUSE SHES POOR? IS IT BECAUSE SHE WORKS AS A HOUSE MAID? O IS IT BECAUSE U R A COWARD BY BEING SCARED OF LOSING UR HUSBAND IF HE HEARD U DONT KNOW UR REAL MOTHER OR FATHER? THINK OF IT IF SHES RICH WITH ALL THE MONEY U WANT IN THIS WORLD? WOULD U REJECT HER? AM 28 N MY MOTHER DIED WHILE I WAS 11 N I HAD ALL I WANT FROM MY STEP MUM BUT STIL IF I COULD GET HER BACK I STIL NEED HER IN ALL CONDITION BECAUSE A MOTHER IS A MOTHER NO MATTER WAT, PLS DONT REJECT HER BECAUSE OF UR FAMILY WHICH SHE IS A PART, N THINKING ABOUT WAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY WOULD JUST LEAD U TO MISERY!
PLS DONT REJECT HER! SHE'S A MOTHER NO MATTER WAT!!!