IT was reported some years ago that a man being tried for stealing a few worthless items begged a magistrate to quickly send him to prison so that he would not miss lunch. The man was, you see, what they call a jailbird and he knew the routine of the prison better than the rags he wore. The man was said to have smacked his lips in drooling anticipation of the prison delicacy.

IT is now clear that the prisoner was not an ordinary bird, that he must have been given the duty of making the bed of a convicted drug baron or that of a predatory politician taking a rest cure in prison. A drug baron eats only the best cuts of beef and a top Nigerian politician drinks only vintage port.

THE Comptroller-General of Prisons, Mr Biodun Ogundipe, appeared before the Senate Committee on Judiciary and Human Rights recently. The senators were said to have almost collapsed when Mr Ogundipe told them that the princely sum of N200 was spent on the feeding of a prisoner per day. This makes it N66 per meal.

MR  Ogundipe said the prisoners had a lot to be thankful for, that far less than N200 used to be spent on a prisoner’s feeding per day.

IT is not true that the senators were frightened by the visions of eating insect-impregnated beans in prison. The country’s senators are honest when it comes to money and do not call themselves ‘distinguished senators’ for nothing. Unlike the jailbird who steals worthless items, they will not beg to be sent to prison to eat its peculiar delicacies. They have no complaints about the delicacies served in five-star hotels and they do not have to fork out for the feasts. Nigeria pays the bill and ordinary Nigerians lick their lips in hopeless longing.

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