Women and extra-marital affairs

By Dayo Oni- Olieh

Men have always been seen or perceived by most people as cheats. Cheats in the sense that they cannot be faithful to their spouses or partners as the case may be. Most people believe that it is scarce to find a man who would be faithful to his wife all the way without side attractions (mistresses). The reason for this belief is based on the philandering ways of men. Some men would even have affairs at the expense of their families and one begins to wonder if actually the assumption is not true.

However, the menfolk have also said that women are involved in extra marital affairs as well but they are just more secretive than they are. Recently at a function, a particular married woman was accompanied to the party by a young man and men at the party swore that the guy was the woman’s lover boy. They claimed he was the one 'servicing' madam whenever Oga was not in town.

The women at the party frowned at the idea of saying the woman was a cheat all because she was accompanied by a young man. They claimed that no sensible woman would cheat on their husband and that even if it were true, she would have the decency of not flaunting him in the presence of people especially at a social function where tongues would definitely wag unlike the menfolk who have thrown decency to the wind.
Everyone at the ‘roundtable’ had his or her own opinion concerning the issue and this made Strictly Femail ask for some people’s opinions on women and extra-marital affairs. Excerpts:

Some women also have extra-marital affairs. It’s just that theirs is not as prominent as the men’s. During my counseling sessions, I get to hear from different women, the type of promiscuous/wayward lives they are living without their husbands' or partners' knowledge. All they do is to make sure that they keep it from the knowledge of people. Their reason for having extra marital affairs is centred around their husband’s selfishness.

The man does things without putting the spouse's feelings into consideration. He decides to go and have fun without including her and according to most women, it means they are old and not fit to be seen with their men any longer. That is one of the common reasons why women engage in extra-marital affairs - to feel youthful, and not neglected. - Demola Adedayo, marriage counsellor.

I know some women who are happily cheating on their husbands or partners and their relationships are intact. The partners in question don’t even have an idea of what is happening and if anyone decides to inform them about their women’s waywardness, they find it hard to believe because they are usually not the type that would stoop low. However, women of today, unfortunately, are conscious of so many things. Back in the olden days, our forefathers would marry as many wives as possible without their wife/wives baiting an eyelid but today’s woman will not take kindly to her husband having an affair and if she knows, most times the best option available to her is to also cheat back in return and in most cases the man in question is always the last to know because a woman would keep her extra marital affairs a secret. - Michael Adigwe, Computer Engineer.

Hardly would you see a married woman that is cheating and if there is, the percentage would be very low compared to the percentage of men that cheat. Women are more responsible than men when it comes to the affairs of the mind and apart from being responsible, women value their union more than men.

No woman in her right senses would get involved in extra-marital affairs because she knows what the consequences would be if she is caught. Men are more guilty at having extra marital affairs than women. - Kemi Ojumu, Teacher.

The issue of women and extra-marital affairs is not as pronounced as that of men. Though, that is not to say that women are not involved. Men are not the only guilty party as there are some women who also cheat on their husbands recklessly; who don’t give a damn about what the consequences would be. I, as a person, have a friend who is involved in an extra-marital affair and it’s either the husband doesn’t know or seems not to care, because almost everyone close to her knows the man in question. However, her case is one-tenth compared to men’s escapades. - Mrs. Wonu Onigbinde, Caterer.

You will be surprised at the number of women who are involved in extra-marital affairs though if you know one and try to advise her, she’ll give you reason(s) why she is involved unlike the male counterparts who most times, if not everytime, do not have a cogent reason.

So many reasons can be given by women who get involved in extra marital affairs but the four main issues or reasons for such affairs are : loneliness, lack of care and attention by their husbands, the type of company the woman keeps and greed.

Loneliness can make a woman have extra-marital affairs even when she does not have the mind to. When a husband travels almost everytime or stays away from home for months, such a woman is bound to have affairs outside her matrimonial home.

When a woman is not taken care of properly by her husband and he shows little or no care at her well-being or even finds it hard to touch her, such a woman will go outside to search for comfort as ‘body no be wood.’

There is a popular saying that says ‘show me your friend’ .... If a woman has women of easy virtue or carefree people as friends, it won’t take time for her to join their crew. Influence from friends is a big factor in someone’s life and also, greed makes most women have extra-marital affairs. Women that are not contented with what they have or want usually end up in such an act, it’s just that women who are involved are more discreet than men. - Tope Ajao, Unemployed.

The argument on whether women keep extra-marital affairs or not has been well argued. Almost everyone has the tendency to cheat, be it a married man or woman. It’s just that men are more likeable culprits because they fail to keep it from public scrutiny while a woman would be more discreet about the affair.

In all, in whatever we do, it is better to always sit back and think about what the consequences of our action/inaction would be before taking any step.