I disobeyed my parents because of him

She disobeyed her parentsbecause of a man twelve years ago and now, he has decided to pay her back in a bad way. How would she reconcile with her parents after all these years when the man in question has decided to humilate her? Read and advise today's writer.
Cheers, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,
Please, I want you and your readers to please advise me on what to do. Because of my husband, I was rejected by my family members. I did not bother to reconcile with them for over 12 years because I believed Sunkanmi would always be there for me. But now he has shown me the stuff he is made of. It is not easy for me to go back home. Even if I can go back home, I still don’t want to lose my husband and home.

I am an only daughter from a family of seven. I come from a very comfortable family, I did not miss or lose anything while growing up and I still cherish my childhood memories. I still miss home and my family members but I have refused to go back to them, because they all refused to accept my husband. I met Sunkanmi while I was in 200 level in the university.

He just gained admission, that made me his senior for one year. We were in the same faculty but not the same department. We met while he was trying to register for a course. He looked so lovely and lost, he had no friends and he looked so confused. My heart went out to him, so I moved close to him and we began to chat.

I learnt so much about him that day and we became friends. Although he tried to hide the fact that he was from a very poor family from me, I discovered later. In fact, I also learnt that he was responsible for training himself in school, that was why it took him that long to come into the university. He came in at the age of 26 years.

I liked him a lot and I also envied his determination. I was 22 years old when we met. I came from a home where we were so used to our parents that we could actually discuss anything with them.

So the next time I was home, I told my mother about Sunkanmi and how I had a desire to help him. My mother communicated this to my father and they were willing to help. I was encouraged to invite him home which I did. After speaking with him, my father agreed to help him out. My mother then wanted to know what the relationship was between us , and I told her we were just friends which was then the truth. My father did not ask questions, he only made Sunkanmi realise that he was welcome to our home anytime.

Because of this open invitation, Sunkanmi became a regular guest in our house and because my siblings were all boys they all soon became good friends and whenever we travelled abroad on holidays, all of them brought him gifts of clothes and shoes.

My friendship with Sunkanmi really changed his life and he attested to this fact. He also brought his parents to meet with mine, and we more or less became family friends. My father helped his father to get a better job than what he was doing then and things became a little bit better for them.

Our relationship however changed during the last semester of my final year. And I guess what more or less informed this change was the fact that I was going to leave for my NYSC. Till then I was a virgin and as a way of a full commitment, I allowed Sunkanmi to deflower me. On the day this happened, we both vowed not to date or have anything to do with another person and we agreed that our relationship must end in marriage.

Before this time, Sunkanmi had told me about a lady he was dating right from his secondary school days but said there was nothing to the relationship. I had an opportunity of meeting this lady about two times. The first time I was introduced to her, she was so hostile that I had to jokingly ask Sunkanmi to explain to her that there was nothing between us.

I asked him what he would do about her and he assured me that there was no problem as he did not promise her anything. I went for my youth service after school, I was posted to serve in Abuja and I got a job as soon as I finished my service. Sunkanmi also finished and went for his youth service in Edo State. It was during his youth service that I learnt he inpregnated his former gilfriend. I was so devastated because of his lies. After the day he took my virgnity, whenever I asked him about this lady, he usually said he had broken up with her.

This incident really shook me, but instead of saying the truth, Sunkanmi denied the pregnancy, and his denial really caused problems between his parents and mine because they felt he denied the pregnancy because of me.

His mother accused my parents and I of using money and other worldly things to buy her son over. She called my parents several unprintable names even in their presence. At this juncture, my father called and pleaded with him to take the lady and her pregnancy if he was responsible for it. He advised I let go so that Sunkanmi could marry the other lady but he insisted that he was not responsible for the pregnancy.

I was shattered but he kept pleading with me and insisted he wasn’t responsible for the pregnancy. As if this was not enough, Sunkanmi impregnated another lady before he finished his youth service. This also became a big issue as he equally rejected the pregnancy too. My parents also heard about this and insisted that they did not want to see Sunkanmi and I together again and his parents would not stop blaming me for their son's refusal in taking responsibility of his action.

After the second lady’s issue I made up my mind to take my parents advice and allow Sunkanmi to go, but I discovered I was also pregnant for him after I had told him to leave my life. When I told my parents, they wanted me to have an abortion but I refused. That was the genesis of my problem with my parents and siblings. My parents refused to bless my union with Sunkanmi. Because of this, we could not get married in my parents church but at the registry.

My mother and siblings came but my father refused to attend. After the wedding which was low-keyed, I went back to Abuja. Sunkanmi tried to get a job, but he couldn’t get one easily. I sent my mother and other siblings to plead with my dad. Daddy introduced him to some of his friends and he began to pick contracts here and there.

Two years after the birth of my son, I delivered another baby boy. I was permanently in Abuja, while Sunkanmi travelled a lot. When I was pregnant with our third child, I noticed that my husband started changing.

Whenever he was in town he never stayed at home. He was always keeping late nights and sometimes he would tell me he was travelling but he would be in town. Twice I met him in town after he told me he was travelling out of Abuja. The two times we quarrelled when I raised it with him.

During the time of monetisation, I was able to secure one of the government houses in Garki area of Abuja. The way the houses were built made me share a compound with another Yoruba woman, a widow and mother of three grown up girls.

She lived with two of her grown -up sisters as well. I was very used to her and her family and we related like a family because we were Yorubas and she was very motherly. When I started having these problems with Sunkanmi, I confided in her and she advised me to take thing easy, especially because of my state.

I saw in her a mother figure, moreso, because I could not confide in my own mother, as she had warned me about my husband. And my parents made me realise that with Sunkanmi’s issue, I was on my own, so I found it difficult to discuss all I was going through with them.

I never knew they were the source of my agony. One day after speaking with “Mummy”, she advised that when Sunkanmi got back, I should confront him and I should also try to be checking out his phone and read his text messages so as to find out what he was up to.

I did as I was advised, and noticed a prominent name — 'my life' on his phone. I read all the dirty text messages this lady whose name was stored as “my life' and my husband used to send to each other. I copied some of them into my phone and went to show mummy the next day.

Desola, Abuja.
(To be continued next week)