Re: Help, how do I gather the pieces of my life?

updated: Thursday 26-03-2009

IN every situation that one finds himself/herself, all I know is that God is in control. When you begin to have that kind of feelings leading you to ask this kind of question, it means you doubt the existence of God, you do not own your life, God does and He allows things to happen the way He wishes.

In the first instance, I will like to praise God for your life, especially for you to have kept your virginity even up to the university level. That would not have been possible if you had not come from a disciplined home and had given yourself self-discipline as well. Why I said this is that with the level of exposure and what people refer to as 'modernisation' in the world today, it will definitely be a hard search to begin to look for a virgin among ladies, talkless of finding someone who is 20 years or above in a community of grown-up young adults where corruption is growing fast.

Had it been that Wale was a loving husband, there are a lot of conditions he ought to have put into consideration in order to give you a fair and cordial affection.

•He should have seen himself as your living father, knowing very well that your biological father is no more, therefore he wouldn’t have hurt your feelings.

• Meeting you a virgin should have given him an insight that he was married to a virtuous woman who was able to keep her dignity through the secondary school to the university without being defiled despite all the pressure from men and colleagues who might have tried on several occasions with deceit of all sorts to rob you of your virginity.

•That you would not pose to be a liability is enough since you were able to secure yourself a good job even before getting married to him and lots more which time and space will not allow me to identify.

Wale was never a loving and caring husband to you, his behaviour will remain with him for there is a saying that, “character is like smoke, however tightly trapped it is, it will still billow out,” his mother too knows that he did not care about you by abandoning you in her care before tearing the hearts of both of you apart, that is the way I can see it and since that time he decided not to communicate any longer and decided to get married to a white lady. Why on earth did he decide again to call it a day with the white lady and come back to you?

•Wale in the past had committed a lot of atrocities which someone from a responsible home would not have done.

•As a secondary school boy (a teenager), he went to the extent of raping his female teacher (someone older than himself)

•He impregnated a girl and refused to accept paternity of the baby which made him to suggest an abortion that claimed the life of the poor girl

A disciplined pupil with a very good conduct from a responsible home would not have done something to get himself/herself expelled from school

•Wale later got himself into drugs. How on earth would a God-fearing person who wants a happy home be living with a godless partner? It’s impossible!

I know you are not growing any younger, but it is better to watch before you leap rather than leap before you watch. It is sad that the baby you had for him, that should have been a bond between both of you, is no longer alive. Had it been the baby is there for both of you, he or she would have been a factor for which you can still come back as couple.

In all things, the Scripture says we should give thanks unto God. I sat down to read your story, it’s really very pathetic but all the same, I did not see both of you being compatible for any reason, more so, 'out of sight,' in Wale’s case, is out of mind.

Sit down, get much closer to your God in prayers, there is someone out there to fill that vacuum in your heart, find a God-fearing man. If you are a Christian or Muslim, there are a lot of them in both religious communities that can still make you happy. It is never too late for you at all.

If you could be self-disciplined to have kept your virginity till you got married, I have a strong belief that you will never stoop so low to be messing up around with men. Look for your right man and I am sure you will know him as soon as he comes your way if you are fervent in prayers, God will lead you aright.

God is in control; He will surely direct your right man to you. This is my piece of advice.

Abiodun Joseph Adewale, 08055226820

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