What if she is raped a day before your wedding?

By Ronke Hassan

BUKOLA and Dele started their relationship while in the university. They were an item back then because they were course mates and in the same level. They were so much in love with each other that their course mates used to call them Romeo and Juliet. They even got the award of the Best Couple on Campus.

After completing their university education, they were fortunate to secure employment in the same organisation where they worked for about four years. It was when their relationship clocked seven years that they decided to walk down the aisle.

A day before their wedding day, however, Bukola was gang raped. Dele felt bad about the incident and he wanted to postpone the wedding but his friends advised him to let the wedding hold the next day in order to cover up the incident. So that no one will know what has happened.

Now, if you were to be in Dele’s shoes, what would you do?

Tope Araoye: Of course, it is a painful thing to experience. It will be very disturbing psychologically but at the same time, since it is a very painful occurrence to her too and in the spirit of love, one needs to prove one’s sincere love for her. I believe it is a time when she really needs my care, so I am going to receive her and embrace her, it is a time I have to make sure I help her to get over the ugly incident. After that, medical attention needs to be given to her. Definitely, the wedding arrangements and plans will still go ahead. When I say medical attention, I mean in all ramifications, to the extent that it wouldn’t lead to pregnancy and we will go ahead as ever before because neither of us prayed for that incident to happen in the first place.

Obi: I will first of all take her to the hospital to receive adequate treatment. For her to be raped is a challenge to me to prove that I love her. So the next day, I will go ahead to wed her, after our wedding, whenever I remember that incident, I will know that I’ve paid a reasonable price for her. So the more I remember, the deeper the love will grow.

Tunde John: I know the word ‘RAPE’ means forcing to have sex, it is not her wish, I will leave everything to God and accept it as my destiny. There is nothing I can do about that, I cannot kill her neither will I cut off the relationship. We will do the marriage.

Segun: I will feel so bad and disappointed but that won’t stop me from loving her. I love her and nothing is going to change that.

Oladele Awolana: Well, I know such a thing can never happen and if such a thing happens, there is nothing I can do about it, it is not her wish for something like that to happen to her. I will just leave everything in God’s hand.

Ogunbiyi Oluyemi: Let me say I will accept to go ahead with the wedding on one condition, I will ask her where she was when it happened, if there is no genuine reason, I will not accept and that is the end. I will not mind the money I have spent on her.

Bernard: I will first of all confirm where she was at that particular time, if it is a place she ought to be, we will do the wedding, but if it is a place she ought not to be, like night party or due to her lateness in the town where she got raped, we will not do the wedding and I will quit the relationship because she is not serious.

Olumide: I will like to know her movement on that particular day the incident happened and ask her how it happened, if she was at fault, we will not do the wedding, maybe it was due to her indecent dressing.

The expertise of a role model

By Tunde Jaiyebo

A role model is an expert in his chosen field. He is an authority. He is a specialist. A role model is an expert in the area of human endeavor he is involved in. He is very knowledgeable about and skillful in his chosen field.

He is not a pushover in what he does. He is not only a master in his subject but his subject has also mastered him. He breathes talks and lives his skill and expertise. He doesn’t just do anything anyhow. He doesn’t just know the “what and how” of his job but he also knows the “why”. “What” talks of what needs to be done and “how” talks about strategy. Most people know the “what” and “how” of many things but very few (the experts, leaders and role models) only know “why”.

A role model is an expert as he has burnt the midnight oil to discover the “why” of his job. Why talks of the essence, the purpose, motive, aim and reason for doing what ought to be done. A role model is not just “anybody”.

He is an authority. When he speaks people listen because he is not an echo but a voice. He does not just command authority but he is an authority. When you seek his counsel you get counseled. When you ask him questions you get answers. He is a “life solution-provider”. When there is a problem in his chosen area he is a man to consult for solutions. One way to know if you are moving in the direction of expertise is to see how far you do answering these questions.

• Can you be referred to as a role model?

• Do you have expert knowledge in your chosen field?

• Are you an authority?

• Are you often being consulted by people in your chosen field?

• Do people get answers to their questions when they consult you?

• Do you provide solutions to problems that arise in your chosen field?

• Do people see and relate to you as an expert? A role model is a man on a mission. His purpose fuels his passion and his passion energizes him to action. His passion is persistent. He continues to do his job come rain come shine.

No matter the difficulty, opposition, obstacles, he is tenacious. He has a dogged determination to pursue his dreams.

O that you will rise and occupy the enviable position of a role model.

To be concluded next week. For further information, comments or questions send mail to urlifecounts@yahoo.com