Are men truly domineering in relationships?

By Dayo Oni -Olieh

IN every relationship, it is expected that the man should be on top of issues. It is believed that man should have the capability to handle his woman with iron hand that would keep the relationship intact or make the woman more faithful in the relationship. However, though some men are of the opinion that they should be on top of issues in their relationship, does this necessarily mean that they are domineering? Most men tend to believe that a man’s domineering attitude is a natural law.

At least, men were created before women, according to the Holy Bible. Thus, by nature they are leaders for the womenfolk. Not only were they created before women, it was also from man’s ribs that women were carved out. In short, women owe their existence to man. Solape and her friends had cause to sit down and chat about relationships and the type of men they preferred to date. During the discussion, the topic revolved round men who tried to be domineering in their relationships. Daniella raised the issue of her ex- boyfriend who tried to dominate her life. According to her, he was not only domineering, he also wanted to live her life for her by intruding in her friendship with her colleagues at work, wanting to know every single detail on how she spends her salary, etc. She was of the opinion that most men were domineering in nature since all the men that she has dated have exhibited such domineering nature one way or the other.

However, her friends, especially Solape was of a different opinion. The men she had dated had been really nice to her and none of them was domineering. They had always carried her along in whatever they were doing and did not force any decisions on her. Daniella believed that men were too intrusive and this was one of the reasons why they were domineering in nature. In an effort to know if truly men are more domineering in relationships, Men’s Roundtable sought the opinion of some men on the issue. Excerpts:
“Generally in the olden days, a man who was not passive and dominant enough in his love life was perceived to be a failure,” says Mr. Muyiwa Aboyade, lawyer. Then, women preferred a domineering man to a man that could not rule his household with iron hand. They wanted a man that would make his presence felt in every area of their lives; a man that would dominate their whole existence, that they would lean on for everything—spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. If a man provides all the basic needs without the woman’s help, he is still dominant and such a woman will find it hard to quarel with him because he is the basis of her existence.

“Most men are domineering in relationships. Their dominant character is usually based on the assumption that they have to be domineering if they want their partner to respect them. They fail to realise that respect begets respect and their domineering nature would only make their woman grow cold towards them and if care is not taken, they might end up pushing her into the arms of another man because of their aggressive attitude,” says Dave Yao, a teacher. “Men have come to realise that ladies love men that are not domineering in relationships. It gives them the feeling that they also have a say in the relationship. This leads us to the question on whether ladies love detached men. The answer is No. Hardly would you find a woman that loves a man who keeps to himself or behaves like a jelly fish. NO! Women love a man who can stand on his two feet and fight for what he wants but not one that would believe that he has to dominate others or force them into doing his bid,” says Mr. Dapo Fadayomi, businessman.

The days when men used to be domineering in their relationship is gone. No woman wants a man that is dominant these days. Even the menfolk have come to realise that it is better to be approachable in their relationships than to be domineering. Most times, it is often men that have inferiority complex that tend to be dominant. They feel the only way by which they can have control over their woman is to dominate her. However, most times this domineering attitude usually breaks a relationship. Dubem Molokwu, evangelist. Not all men are domineering in relationships. The way a man treats his woman depends on the way he cherishes his relationship with the woman. If he feels the lady is wayward or has a nonchalant attitude, such a man can use domineering attitude to correct her if he loves the woman. Francis Adu, businessman.

Men should know or come to realise that their vindictive or intrusive nature could pose certain difficulties in their relationships. Love should be based on trust, attention and affection and not on trying to dominate your partner’s life in order to suit yours.