Women’s attitudes that drive men away

By Adenike Bankole-Ojo

Some women, without even knowing it, are driving men who love them right out of their lives. For the most part, women are not getting information about men straight from the source. They’re asking other women, listening to relationship experts, and believing statistics. While those sources may be helpful and provide some information, nothing is as accurate as asking men what they think and feel.

Men’sRoundtable went out to seek people’s opinion on this issue. Mind you, the people interviewed were not experts, they were just ordinary lay men; artisans, tailors, technicians, and so on... Here are their reactions:

Tobi Festus, Technician: Most women act so sweet during courtship and change completely when they know they have got what they wanted.

When I started dating my woman, she was so nice. She spoke softly, and always looked gorgeous. But now that we are married, things have changed. The gentle eyes and smiles have been replaced with frowns, pursed lips, and shrill tones; no more beautiful and appealing clothes. Now she dresses as if she doesn’t care how she looks like. Everyday, she leaves her hair undone and she’s fast losing her beautiful figure.

I advise women to try their best to play out their roles which they started out in the first place. they should present themselves the way they were from the beginning and not try to change.Because when they do, men feel as if they’ve been duped.

Mr Abiola Oso, Driver: Well, my wife is a funny woman because she seems to be overprotective and inquisitive. Most times, she doesn’t want me to go out because she feels I am cheating on her.

What most women should know is that most men simply just want some freedom. Men, just like women, need to feel that they are not trapped or being held hostage in their lives or in their relationship. From time to time, men want to get away, feel free and be alone for sometime to socialise with their friends.

But the relationship becomes boring when women think that a man is being selfish, silly, or making up an excuse to go out and cheat just because he wants some space. A sharp woman knows that a man needs his space and doesn’t hold it against him. She’s confident enough to know that each person needs his/her own space to maintain a healthy relationship. On the other hand, jealous and possessive women are well-known for their deliberate attempts to prevent a man from having any privacy. These are the women who think letting a man out of their sight is a mistake.They hold on to their men so tight. But if a woman can’t give the man a little space, it is either the relationship is not that solid or she has some personal problems that she needs to deal with. If it is because she can’t trust him out of her sight, she doesn’t need that man for anything. She should better quit and leave the man to have his peace.

Mr James Akwarandu, Businessman: Most men believe nowadays that women want too much. Some want a hardworking man, some want money, handsets and all sorts of material things. If a man cannot afford these things, he is in trouble. If the man dares to say something about how he is happy with things as they are, the woman will accuse him of being complacent, lazy, and lacking ambition. It’s fine to have goals and want some luxuries, but counting the blessings you already have never hurts either.

James Olaiya, Student: Women do a lot of things to drive their men out. Some women believe that their men should be sensitive to their feelings, and even sometimes, read their feelings, but I assure you, most men are not good mind readers. So, communication becomes so difficult sometimes.

Unfortunately, some women do not express themselves honestly and openly. It seems that they are more apt to use voice inflections and body language to communicate what they mean, even when the actual words they are saying convey the opposite. Yet they want the man to understand what they mean and most men fail to grab these clues. When this happens, an argument always ensues because the woman feels that she communicated her feelings to the man and he ignored her. This may irritate the woman and she will then begin to nag at the man.

Mr Isola Francis, Teacher: My wife is always quarreling with me and this puts me off most times. Most of the time, she was openly disrespectful to me and as a human being, not just as a man. Other times she was cold and aloof, barely acknowledging that I was in the room. Believe it or not, men have feelings too. Hard and cold behaviour is enough to drive anyone away. Again, we are not asking to be cuddled like babies. But every man wants home to be a safe refuge from the cold-hearted world. However, when the world at home is colder than the work world, there is no solace.