No sex, no intimacy
Pastor Mrs Kemi OluwajinmiPastor Mrs Kemi Oluwajinmi, a princess, is a woman of many parts. She is the pastor of The Beauty Parlour Ministries and the Chief Executive Officer of Shine Excel Communications, an outfit which is into Public Relations Consultancy, among others.
In this interview with Associate Editor, YEMISI AOFOLAJU, she relives her school days, the role of sex in marriage and other issues. Excerpts:
How will you describe your upbringing?
I am from a comfortable family. My mother was very strict but very caring while my father is more loving, caring. He seems more likeable. I will say that I am fortunate to have come from a balanced home with proper upbringing and a religious one for that matter. My mother is partly a Sierra Leonean while my dad is an Ijesa man.
A peep into your school days right from the primary through university days...
I had a nice time all through because we had every convenience at our beck and call. My university days were fun-filled because it was my first contact with the outside world. It was a time of discovery. It was a fun time. It was a time of learning because I wouldn’t say I have learnt because I am still learning. It was exhilarating, adventurous, experimenting and all you can think of. It was quite educating. It was a time of discovery.
As a Princess, how do you strike a balance between royalty and the pulpit- what is the turning point?
How did you get to know about such an information?
Asking a journalist this?
(Laughter)Pulpit is all about royalty. God is royal. Even if my earthly natural father is a king, don’t forget that our God is the King of all kings. But I would actually say that there was actually no turning point for me because the Bible says that we are kings, princes and princesses, I just discovered my royalty in the Lord.
But I feel something strongly must have challenged you to have given all to Christ considering your background?
In all honesty, there was no challenge. I first gave my life to Christ in 1979 at a C.A.C revival, Obadare. I became born again and spirit-filled with the evidence of speaking in tongues. But at that time there was no vibrant fellowship to follow me up because of the distance from our house at Felele to Scripture Union Building at Sango, Ibadan. It was quite a challenge going from Felele to Sango for fellowship. Though I still coped whenever I was around.It wasn’t quite comfortable and the people living around me did not understand the experience of being born again at that time-nobody from my environment to share the new birth with.
After a while, I decided to fellowship with other Christians through listening to tapes, reading books written by great men of God. But I would attribute my having to backslide then to lack of a vibrant fellowship because people around me never saw what I received. But it was only a matter of time because no matter how I ran away from God, I was always lucky to seek redress. Don’t forget that Christianity is all about fellowshipping with God and other children of God.
What actually attracted you to your better half?
Love and the fact that he could make me laugh and that he trusts me. He is very warm and we have been friends for long.
How long was your courtship?
I have told you that he has been my friend since my school days. I chose to have him because we share so many things in common. I love him as a friend, that friendship later metamophorsed into marriage. Relationship is about friendship.
Aside love among couples, what other things make a marriage successful?
The reality of it is friendship. A lot of women are fond of saying that ‘oh when I get married, then I would be fulfilled, when I am married I would become happy,’ Or that when I am married I will have all that I am desirous of or that by the time I am married I will be a better person, but this is a mistake.But when in it, you will see the reality. But if you love God, every other thing you desire in life will be added unto you. You desire things through God. You desire friends through Him. You desire a child through God. When you give birth to a child, you love that child through God. When you are married to somebody that God asked you to marry and you marry him as a Christian, so you love the person through God. The person has faults, weaknesses but because of the love you have for the person is channelled through God; no matter what the person does to you as a human being , you forgive through God.
What is the place of sex in a marriage?
Sex is communication in marriage and very vital to it. It is an instrument of showing love.It is the binding cord. It is the seasoning and flavour of marriage. It is the music of marriage. You make music with your partner. Sex is very vital in a married relationship because God made it so. The passionate part of you is your sexual organ. When unmarried, that part is padlocked, but when married, it is unlocked. The moment you get married, God, in fact unlocks this padlock because it is now time to enjoy. As a parent, don’t forget that there are some wardrobes in your house that you normally padlock that your children have found a way of unlocking when not around and you are happy that the key is in your bag at work, but they will open it; that opening is an illegal one and by the time you are coming back they quickly lock it again without getting full details. They just steal from it. I teach my youths about sex by telling them that God puts a special padlock on their sexual organs for future fulfilment, enjoyment. As a youth enjoying sex, you are killing your future. You are only stealing. You can’t get fulfilment from sex. But when you are properly, legally married, you will enjoy full access to sex. Sex is designed principally for marriage. Sex is for enjoyment, pleasure . It is the foundation of intimacy. It will be very difficult for married couples to remain intimate without sex. Sex also brings unity. You find out that married couples that enjoy sex regularly have an aura of unity about them. There is this special communication. I can always tell you that married couples are intimate through their little gestures, touching, et al. They unconsciously touch and fondle each others hands even in public places because they are used to this language. Such is the language of love.
What about youths today having sex indiscriminately under the guise of having fun?
The way they have sex is alarming. And I will blame this on two things. One, peer pressures, there is the spirit of immorality in the atmosphere which marks the second reason. And there is also the survival struggle which has forced a lot of promising young girls into prostitution . But I have always maintained that there are other dignifying means of livelihood, that women can embrace. I have always told ladies that they need not dress half nude because men who majored in discovery would never opt for a lady who is always dressed skimpily or half nude for a wife so they would anytime, any moment go for those who are properly dressed. Men like to discover the curves, they want to discover what you have carefully and decently wrapped under your proper dressing.
And the way out?
My advice will go to mothers to keep praying and monitoring their teenagers. My mother was very spiritual and prayerful. Even in my university days when I was thinking I was having fun, I knew my mother’s prayers worked.
What other ingredients make a marriage work?
Apart from sex, couples must be friends. I tell people that when a marriage fails then friendship takes over. I’m saying this because there is a special friendship between husband and wife. But the moment you say, this is my wife/husband, there is a gap. When we have discord in the home all I do is that I put marriage aside and reach out for friendship that existed before. And this has always worked. I call him nicknames which I used to call him. After all, we were friends before we got married. My advice is that when you get married, establish a friendship because marriage can breakdown but friendship does not breakdown.
How do you placate your husband?
One thing that I rely on is love.
I capitalise on the age gap. I always tell him ‘ You know you are older than I and you know how foolish younger people are. Don’t forget that every man wants to be Lord over his home and don’t forget that Sarah called her husband LORD. Every man wants to be lord no matter how educated , wealthy you are. I don’t mince words about my errors. I always put my errors the way they are. I apologise.
Your favourite colour?
Orange, brown and black .
Dress sense?
I like corporate and casual wears. I usually like to wear what is comfortable on me. I don’t follow fashion. Even during my varsity days when ladies were wearing mini skirts, I was always in long skirts.
Beauty tips
I don’t have a beauty routine. I look at my dressing in the mirror and whatever I feel like doing to my face, I do.Whenever I don’t feel like wearing a make-up, I do without it. One thing I don’t do is, I don’t like heavy make-up because it corrupts the skin. I don’t use brown powder because it closes up pores. I don’t use foundation.
Best meal
Dodo (Plantain).
How do you unwind?
I read, write, proofread and edit my publications: No matter how tired I am, I still write.
You like smelling nice?
I love using anything that smells nice
Secret of freshness
Peace of the Lord.
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