My biological mother does not want me

updated: Thursday 18-06-2009

Dear readers,
As human beings there are some things we cannot decide. One of such is choosing who gives birth to us. Such is the plight of today's writer. He learnt who is biological mother was after so many years but unfortunately, she does not want him. He needs your advice. Please read and counsel him.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo

Dear Taiwo,
A friend of mine gave me your column to read, she also encouraged me to write my story and send to your e-mail box, I hope you will be able to help me, so I can have peace.

I am not a young man; I am 36 years old, married with two kids. The funniest thing is that I met my biological mother just about a month ago, and her attitude towards me is the reason why I wrote this letter to you.

I was raised by my aunty, my mother’s sister, although she is a lot older than my mother. I never had a cause to ever complain. In fact, to be sincere, I guessed my mother was my aunty until about a month ago, when my aunty came over to my house, she excused my wife and told me about myself, my mother and also about the circumstances that led me to stay with her since I was born.

Not that I had any cause to complain, I was well taken care of, I attended the best schools, my “daddy” was a rich man, I had grown up brothers and sisters, I as the family pet I enjoyed my childhood, so you can imagine how I felt when I learnt that this woman I had always looked on to as my mother is only my aunty and that my supposed siblings are my cousins.

As I wrote above, mummy told me about myself. My mother who was her mother's last born, became pregnant with me when she was in her OND II, she insisted on having an abortion but mummy prevailed on her. With a promise that she would take care of me while she went back to school.

Mummy fulfilled her promise to my mother, which was how I became a member of her household. I was not treated differently; she took care of me like she did to her own children. Daddy was also very nice to me, that was why it was a rude shock to me the day she told me about my biological mother.

I had met her several times, I called her auntie, and she resides in the USA, and only comes home for holidays.

The only thing I noticed was that she was always arguing with my mummy.

Just as I wrote earlier, mummy called me and told me my supposed aunty is my mother and she would love us to be reconciled now because of any eventuality. Mummy is old, well over 80 years.

On this fateful day, she invited me to come with her to auntie’s house. Initially, I was not a part of their discussion, but later I was invited to join them.

Mummy repeated all she had told aunty in my presence and she told me she was my mother. Auntie flared up and started shouting at mummy and told her she had said from the very beginning that she wanted nothing to do with me. She said since it was her who was interested in having me she could have me for life.

I was shocked, I could not hold or take it any longer, I asked her if she hated me that much. I also demanded to know where my father was.

Her reply was that I should ask my mother, who wanted to keep me.
At this point, mummy began to cry. She told my aunty that she was a wicked person.

She opened up and told me that she had to plead with my biological mother several times not to have an abortion. My father also wanted to marry her, but she wasn’t ready. My father waited for her till she finished her HND II, but instead of going on with their relationship, she ran away with one of her numerous men friends to the USA. My father was broken-hearted. Eventually, he married another woman, he however, took responsibility of me, but unfortunately, he died very young in a car accident.

He left some things for me, they are held in trust, and mummy wanted me to know about my biological mother first before telling me about him.

My biological mother ignored the two of us and eventually walked us out of her house. I had to ask mummy why she behaved like that; I also told her that I myself would not want to have anything to do with her. Mummy said that is not the way the world is, she is my mother, and nothing can change that. She has worked and made a lot of money, she should give to me what is rightfully mine now that she is alive before her spoilt kids take everything.

Two weeks after our first visit, mummy said we would be paying my biological mother another visit again, what for? I asked her. She said she had spoken with her and we would go and take some things from her house for me.

I never knew mummy had arranged for a truck to wait for us there. I noticed the truck before we entered the house, but I thought nothing of it. As soon as we got inside, mummy ordered the truck driver and his motor boy to take some of the goods my biological mum brought into the country to sell as Tokunbo goods.

She tried to prevent the men from packing these things and it almost led to a physical brawl between the two of them. We took some things away, refrigerators, air conditioner, computers and some other things. I told mummy, I don’t need them, I am comfortable, I already have these things, she told me to go and sell them and make money for myself.

My biological mum had gone back to the USA, I tried to call her, but she won’t pick my calls. I was contemplating, calling my siblings and telling them our relationship, but I don’t know how they would take it. I also don’t know why mummy did what she did, is there more to this? I am not happy about all these happenings, please advise me.
A.K.O, Lagos

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