Why children deserve the best while growing up

By Monica Taiwo - updated: Friday 19-06-2009

Childhood memories are to be cherished and remembered with nostalgia; but sometimes, somewhere along the line, some children don’t have it. Many children lose their childhood abruptly and many are rushed through it. But what does it take to give your child the deserved and desired childhood? Monica Taiwo asks.

CHILDREN are God’s heritage ..... and blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them writes the Psalmist. Often, children cease to be a source of blessing to some parents; they become burdens and a source of worry when things are not going the way they should.

Having children or when a child is born into the world, the people around the new mother rejoice and it gives cause for celebration; this is the ideal. But for some, this is not the case with the birth of some children.

A baby born into this type of unhappy enviroment runs the risk of a vogue-in an unhappy and missed childhood.

Not only this, even a deserved child could be a victim; this may be as a result of many factors. For one, today’s parents allow the trend of things to take away their children’s childhood.

The societal norms, civilisation, expectation, parental expectation, marital problems, unsettled homes and a host of other problems rob these little ones of their childhood.

Every child deserves to enjoy a relatively carefree and innocent childhood. A time when the child has nothing to think about or think of, and all he or she does is to eat, sleep and play either with other mates or toys, he/she is surrounded with happiness love and care.

Some parents tend to mix up infancy with childhood; it certainly isn’t the same thing. Childhood is the period of infancy through to adolesence. At this period, so many things go on in a child’s life which they replay back when they become young adults or adults.

Believe it or not, whatever happens to a child or children goes a long way to form the bedrock of his / her life in future. A child with a messed-up or deprived childhood certainly manifests the traits as an adult and if care is not taken, such child becomes marked for life.

Children are supposed to crave for love in whatever circumstances they are. No matter what it takes, love should and must be automatically given to a child; remember childhood is the most basic right of children.

An experience which really prompted this piece happened few weeks ago. I was at a gathering and a young girl was talking with some of her friends and she spoke of the things she went through as a child.

According to her (names withheld), all she remembered while growing up was the fact that her parents were always fighting and whenever they were at it, she, being the eldest, would have to take her junior ones away from both parents to avoid being hit by either of them.

As if this wasn’t enough, she relayed that days without number, her mother would leave the house and not return, their father who was a drunk had no business with them. It, then, became her duty to make sure herself and her junior ones ate and went to school, this she started doing at the age of seven.

Can you imagine that? To some people, it may not be strange, and this, exactly, was the reply one of her freinds gave.

According to this friend, she started hawking goods at the age of five and the more goods she was able to sell, the better her chances of eating at home.

Strictly Femail also learnt of a little girl who became a victim of sexual abuse at the tender age of eight years. She was being sexually abused by her step-father whenever her mother was not around. Some boys and girls run away from home to fend for themselves because what they get from home falls below expectation and they become victims of so many vices very early.
About seven years ago, at the Agugu Police Station, in Ibadan, some armed robbers were arrested and among them was a 12-year-old boy.

When asked how he became a member of the gang, he said his father beat him and sent him away from home because of an offence. He had nowhere to go and he formed the habit of sleeping in a mechanic workshop every night.

According to him, on his third night, he had already slept when he heard some people’s voices and their conversation. He discovered that they were thieves; he then pretended he had slept. He, however, was not so lucky as one of them noticed him and they all decided to take him along with them so that he wouldn’t tell anyone about them. The issue of loss or unhappy childhood does not always mean a negative story, sometimes a child could be surrounded by all the good things of life and he or she still lacks love and understanding. He could also lead an unhappy childhood. The most important thing in a child’s life is love and care.

Aside this, our childrens’ childhood is often a casuality of our modern world. Many children lose their childhood and a host of them are rushed through the stage. You often hear parents say this is a computer age, this is a jet age and so, children must start school as early as possible.

You see mothers and fathers taking their children to school as early as age one.

Many expect them to start learning as early as possible. Some of these babies / children can’t even talk. Some parents don’t stop at this, as young as these children could be, majority of parents compare them with other kids. (Sebi lagbaja’s kids know this much, so you too must know).

Aside this societal expectation, we tend to use the same yardstick for our kids forgetting that each child is a unique entity on his/her own. The issue of problematic marriage or home is there too. Nobody prays for a problematic marriage or home, but when they are going through one, they try as much as possible to get their children involved in it or make them scapegoats.

Some fathers use their children to get at their wives and so does some mothers. Both do this for their own selfish interests, forgetting that these children are human beings too.

Some parents are also fond of and guilty of using uncomplimentary languages and words on their children. You never hear them confess good things into their children’s lives. It is always something negative. Such children grow up to believe nothing good can come out of them because their parents have demonstrated this through the words of their mouth.

For some parents, stereotyping is the problem. This and that runs in the family and you have to do it too. Your father is a doctor; so you must be a doctor too. Either consciously or unconciously, some parents place unnecesseary burden and expectations on their children. Sometimes, these children go out of their ways to please their parents at their own expense and happiness. Unfortunately, as much as they do, some of these parents remain adamant and unmoved by their children’s efforts. Some mothers cannot create time to hug and tell their children how much they love them.

Some children are their parents’ confidants. When a marriage is turbulent, some parents turn their children into the listening ear, burdening them with their marital problems, such children, from a tender age, become an adult and this affects their growing up, either we like it or not.

A good child depends largely on good parenting, what then does good parenting mean or involves? I am sure you must have heard a lot about this, but it’s simply by the special grace of God. Then, it is good for you to commit time to your children. Listen to them, share their joys and sorrows, be your child’s best friend and confidant. Pamper your child when necessary but make sure he/she is not spoilt.

There is room and time for everything without having the experience. Children need all what they can get from their parents like toys, clothes, and all the things of life.

Allow your child to know your limitation — what you can afford and what you cannot. Do not let them suffer unnecessarily. Be strict but don’t be cruel. Allow your child to see you just as you are, don’t pretend with them.

Most importantly, ask for divine wisdom from God as to how to take care of your children, as the Bible says that”, train up your child....