Helping out with the house chores?

By Adenike Bankole-Ojo

It is a widely-held belief that African men are not romantic and that they only take little time out to share with their wives and children. Inasmuch as they can provide for their families and cater for them, other issues are less of a concern to them. Anyway, that’s by the way.

Sometime ago, I was in a gathering and I had the opportunity of listening to a group of men debating on whether it was right for a man to help his wife out at home with the house chores or not since our culture does not support such idea. The first speaker did not see anything wrong in helping his wife out, especially when she was tired after the day’s work in the office. He believed in equality, in sharing out duties with his wife. He helps her with the children, prepared them for school while the wife busied herself in the kitchen getting the food ready for them. He said he enjoyed helping out in the kitchen because during that time, he chatted freely with his wife and they shared their experiences at work together.

The other guy in the group was of a different opinion, he said that the place of a woman was in the kitchen and considered it a waste of time. “I can’t imagine myself running errands for my wife, I don’t think I will have that time. I expect my wife to know her God-given roles as a woman while I recognise mine as well. Helping her to do anything is like I am diverting from my duties,” he said.

The third man in the group was pensive, busy listening to his friend. When he spoke, he was in support of the first speaker to an extent but he added that a man must not overdo it when helping his wife out. According to him, the woman might start to embarrass the man with unneccessary duties and turn the man into a househelp.

The pertinent question to be asked is, why should a husband share the house chores with his wife and how much should he share? Many men will undoubtedly discourage this idea because of their belief that a woman should do the house chores or if she needs help too much, they can always employ a househelps, but everyone is aware of the havoc that househelps cause in the homes, if they are not molesting the female children, they will be seducing the man of the house and many things of such. It is time men changed their views and accept that the world is changing.Taking care of the home should not be the sole responsibility of the woman alone.

For all families: By involving yourself in the housework, you tell your wife that you believe that it is important and valuable - and, indirectly, you say that she is important and valuable. You set a good example for your children and for the community, by showing what a good husband (and father) should be. You also prepare yourself to be able to care for yourself and your family in case your wife is no longer able to care for the family for a period of time.

For families with children: Staying home with children is a full-time job. If you were paying a nanny to do the job for you, she would take care of the children, clean major messes the children made, feed the children, possibly prepare meals for the children, and possibly do laundry (depending on how much you paid her and her skill). If your wife is doing more housework than this while you are at work, she is not spending as much time on mothering children. If she does only these things during the day but still does more housework and parenting than you when you are home, she is probably getting less free time than you. This may tempt her towards jealousy, bitterness, or anger. By helping a mother with the housework, you give her the time she needs during the day to give your children the best possible care without compromising her own happiness or her ability to feel charitable towards you. Both spouses should be at least capable of every important chore in case the other spouse is disabled or injured, and unable to do housework for a while. Every chore that needs to be done at least once a month should be familiar to both spouses.

Each spouse should feel respected for what they are accomplishing, and should work to show the other spouse their own respect for what their spouse brings to the family. You should do enough housework to show your wife that you believe that housework is important.

Below are some few chores you can help your wife with:
If your wife is raising kids and working, then help her with the dinner when you get home. After dinner, she can wash the dishes and you dry.

You can help your wife to do some laundry if she has little children to cater for. This will help her to reduce work overload.

If you have small children, then help her out in bathing the children and putting them to bed. If you help your wife out this way, then she won’t feel so worn out, your sex life will improve, you will have more fun together and all will be well.