Help! My wife is killing me with her silence

updated: Friday 18-07-2008

Dear readers,
Today's writer is in a messy situation he created by himself. His wife has decided to keep mum and she is carrying on like nothing is happening. Our writer can no longer stand her silence, he wants her to say something, react violently or mildly; any reaction at all would do. A word from you can save this situation, please help!
Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,

PLEASE how do I get my wife to say something? You see, I am one of those men who feel I am on top of all situations and there is nothing I cannot handle. I have a very good job, well paying and to the glory of God, I can afford to give my wife and children the best money can buy. However, right from onset, my wife has been the independent type. She does not trouble me for anything. Sometimes, she would have taken care of some of the home responsibilities before she would even tell me. This attitude annoys me. At the early stage of our marriage, I used to think she was arrogant, but as time went on, I discovered that, that is just her and no hard feelings at all.

She equally has a good job and I can categorically say that we had a good and happy home until I misbehaved. Meeting Teniola my wife was and still remains one of the best things that had ever happened to me. She is the type of woman any man would fight tooth and nail to keep, I am very afraid of losing her.

About seven months ago, Teniola's best friend, (in fact she was her chief bridesmaid when we got married) had a serious problem with her husband on the issue of another woman. She travelled abroad for an overseas training from her office, before she came back another woman had taken over her home. It was such a big issue that she had to leave with her two daughters. She took her kids to her mother's place and then asked if she could stay at our place before she secures her own place or make other plans for herself. I agreed because they were so close.

I never knew I would fall into temptation with Teni’s best friend. It started about a month after she came to live with us. This is talking reality and seeking help, and I realise I must not lie Angela, Teni's friend, really resisted my advances. I give it to her she was really loyal to her friend.

I must confess Taiwo, I don’t really know what came over me, I just discovered that I wanted Angela. I had no cause to, because Teni, throughout our 13 years of marriage had never said no to my sexual advances and I have no reason not to find her desirable. I fought these feelings for Angela for several months and it was like the devil presented an opportunity when Teni travelled out of town for two days. I could not summon the courage to talk to her, I got myself drunk and approached her.

She told me off and said she would pretend it did not happen and she assured me that her friend would not hear about it. She was mature enough not to tell her friend, maybe if she had done so then, this wouldn't have happened. I must confess that I really pestered her. Sometimes I would send text messages to her and, at times, gifts which she kept away from her friend.

At a time, I learnt she got an accommodation, but I told her to let it go, that she was welcome in our home until she got a suitable one. I capitalised on the fact that she complained that the place she got was not very okay.

Teniola travelled the second time, that was about three months ago, she went to Abuja on business. She phoned to tell me she might be staying over as she could not finish in time and she wasn't sure she would be able to catch the last flight back to Lagos. At the time she told me she might not make it back, I really didn’t think of Angela but when I got home, and saw her, I really did not know what came over me, all I could remember was my feelings towards her. I could hardly wait for my two kids and our home keeper to retire into their rooms Angela had gone into her room to sleep. I went to meet her and one thing led to another. I could remember having sex with her and sleeping off naked in her arms.

I did not know when Teni came in. She said she called and called Angela and, I, more so because she saw our cars parked in the lot. She eventually came into the guest room where Angela stays. In fact, she tapped me to wake me up. Taiwo, it was like watching a home movie. I thought I was dreaming.

I did not know exactly what happened afterwards. I was not drunk, but I just can't describe what happened. But my wife, the ever-composed, in-charge daughter of a school principal did not shout or get any hysterical fit. Up till now, Taiwo, she has not said anything to me. She only asked Angela in that quiet, strong cause both of us are very close to the pastor and his family.

I have bought several gifts for her, she took them just like she would do when nothing is wrong. Just a few days ago, I bought her a Jeep, the one she had admired for a long time. She took it and thanked me, but she refused to make a reference to that incident.
I wish she would say something, fight me, hit me, be hysterical or something. This silence is killing me. For about three months now I haven’t had sex with her and that is the fastest way we settle whenever we quarrel.

She has never refused me, even during our courtship. I don’t have the guts to approach her again. I know she is annoyed with me, but she is not talking and she’s pretending that all is well. I know all is not well, how can I get her to say something? Her silence and pretence that all is well is killing me. Our children— two girls — are beginning to suspect something is going on and this is because I try to find out from them if their mother told them anything. I can’t continue like this, please, what do I do?
— Goke, Lagos

Link Me Up

Link me with Bose Adenuga. This is my number — 07036134557.

Link me with Adeyemi Ademoye. We lost contact since 2002. Anybody with information on how we can meet can reach me on 08084094084 or email Sulaimo1984@yahoo.com.

My friend and mentor, Alhaji Ibraheem Nuhu, CEO Nummah Ventures, where are you? We lived at Airforce base, Ikeja, Lagos, before we lost contact. This is Bayo.

I want to get in touch with Ojo Grace, who stays at Alagbado, Kole Bus-Stop area. We met at Sammori School, Agege for G.C.E. Contact me on 07031026404. This is Sola.

Link me with Esther Oluwatuyi and Sidikat Aladesulu, my friends at Aline Sec. Commercial School, in 1978. Also Foluke Adejokun of the defunct Sketch Newspaper and Victoria Akinwande a proof reader with Nigerian Tribune in 1986. I am Hon. Adeyinka Adefunmiloye. 08088249749/08072200016.

Link me with Afonja Adebowale Adebayo Adeboyin M. (a former student of Government Technical College, Osogbo. I am Bola Olalere, Osogbo. 08074678811.

I want to say hi to Titi Lemose, an ex-student of AGGS, Abeokuta. I lost contact with her soon ofter we met at Ijebu Igbo. Call me on 08067958384. This is Femi.

Help locate Adijat Ishola. She was my classmate at Army Day Secondary School, Sobi, Ilorin. I am Musa Taofik, 08064910773.

Bola Kasino Lawal, where are you? We served with John T.J. Ventures, Aba, Abia State, I am Adeyemi Damola Nurudeen, a.k.a. Ade, 08035795146.

Segun Ajetumobi, where are you? We attended St. Peters Primary School, Isaba, Ikole Ekiti, Ekiti State. This is Sola Adeyanju, 07031026404.

Text mates/ Penpals

Emmy from Kogi needs friends from around the country. Call him on 08075347875.

Oluwole Michaels, a student of University of Abuja wants a text mate who is aged between 17 and 22 years. Call or text 08035245691.

Opaluwa Ugbede from Kogi State born on 5th of July wants to meet his birthday mates. He can be reached on 08057651661/08086773335/08065538808.

Sam, a 24-year-old graduate needs a motivational textmate. Call or text 0803374193 or e-mail samaigbe07@ yahoo com.

Godwin wants to meet his October 5 birthday mates. 0705538651.

Damilola wants to meet his birthday mates September 24 is the date 08079546880/08037973258.

Oluwaseun wants to meet his birthday mates of September 15. 08075126860.