She ruined my life, how can I reconcile with her? (2)

As a young man he had a bright future ahead of him. Unlike other young men who lost their fathers at a very tender age, today's writer was lucky to have his uncle's support in everything he did. All was well until he met a lady who according to him, derailed his life. This singular issue had a ripple effect. That is why he wants your advice. Please read and counsel him. Thanks, Monica Taiwo

Taiwo, I think I should let you know that Monisola’s father was not in support of my marriage to his daughter. One, because I am a Christian. I learnt that he wanted her to marry another Alhaji (though younger than the father but to whom he was a benefactor) Some weeks after our wedding, I drove to the block of shops close to our house to get some provisions. One Mercedes Benz parked beside me and a gorgeously-dressed, fair-skinned man moved close to me. He accused me of taking his wife and cursed that I would not have a blissful marriage because I came from nowhere to steal what he had laboured for.

I was shocked when I got home and I asked Monisola about this man. She told me that there was no point keeping anything from me. She said Alhaji was her father’s friend and sometime ago he bailed her father out of a difficult situation as a result of which her father gave her hand in marriage to him. Alhaji however agreed to allow her finish school. When she was in the university, she decided that she cannot and will not marry Alhaji. Her decision had caused a rift between her and Alhaji (her father). Alhaja (her mother) then advised her to get a man of her choice, be smart enough to get pregnant for the man so that her father won’t have a choice than to marry her off to a man of her choice.

After listening to her, I felt used and I got annoyed with her. I demanded to know if she really loved me. Although she said she did, I was not convinced and I told her that much. This led to an argument, a serious one; I told her that I did not want the marriage again, that she’s free to go since she had succeeded in jilting her Alhaji. Her response shocked me. She told me that I could not leave her neither could I divorce her because she had made sure of that through her prayers at another Alhaji’s place. When she said this, I became totally disillusioned and I began to feel insecure. Imagine, my marriage was just a few weeks old - exactly three weeks old. I stopped eating at home and I began to avoid her. I was unable to tell my mother this revelation but I told my sister, who advised me to be careful and take things easy.

We lived like that until she had the baby, a boy who was and still is my split image. When my mother came around to help take care of our baby, she noticed our relationship, she asked what the matter was and I told her there was no problem. But you know how women are, I guess she spoke with Monisola when I was away to the office and when I returned my mother pleaded with me to forgive her. She also pleaded and said she did not do anything diabolic to me. She only said that because we were quarrelling. She explained that she loved me and she was ready to make the marriage work. I agreed to her plea, because I didn’t want a broken home, I love my son and would do anything to give him a good life.

I didn't know what happened but our son Adedolapo, was just seven months when Monisola told me she was pregnant again. I was annoyed with her because we agreed to take things easy. She said it wasn’t her fault and of course I could not ask her to have an abortion. She delivered a baby girl, Adebukola and it was as if Adebukola’s birth unravelled a lot of other things. I discovered that Monisola was very fetish, I saw some juju in our bedroom. Adebukola was almost a year old then; it led to a big quarrel and Monisola packed out of the house. I must let you know that I did not ask her to leave, but she did and left Adedolapo and Adebukola with me. Because of this situation my mother had to move in with me because my children were still too young. Two months after she left, Adebukola became very sick. She had chicken pox. In fact, my mother and I did not know that she would not die. I sent words to Monisola, but she did not show up. As God would have it, I found favour with one of the nurses. She stood by my mother and I. By the grace of God, Adebukola got well. Monisola never showed up for one day.

During the time my daughter was sick, my church members came to pray with us and during one of the prayer sessions a revelation came that my wife was pregnant with a baby boy, that the pregnancy was mine, and I should not reject it. Also the baby must be born in my home and not outside our home. In essence, she must come back home.When she left the house I did not know where she moved to, as she did not go to her parents house. That made it difficult for me to trace her. I also informed her parents about all that happened, only her mum was apologetic. Alhaji told me that since he did not consent to our marriage I will keep on having problems in my home. Monisola still did not show up. I became involved with the young nurse who helped me during the time Adebukola was ill. Tessy was a very homely, respectful and kind woman. She was 32 years when I met her. When we talked she told me she had been jilted twice and did not want to have anything to do with men again. I told her about my experience too, and we started an affair. I am sure some people would be of the opinion that it was rather early, but I must confess that I was very lonely and needed a companion.

Exactly after six months that Monisola left, she came back, heavily pregnant. Her mission was to beg me to take her back. I was annoyed and asked her to go back to where she was coming from. My mother intervened and behind her, she reminded me of the vision given to me in the church. I allowed her in but made up my mind not to have anything to do with her. For the first time we used separate bedrooms. I did not allow her to cook my meal or my children’s meal. She delivered another baby boy- Adebowale. Before she gave birth to the baby, I had made up my mind that the baby wasn’t mine, but when he came, he was also my split image. In fact, he carried my birthmark. I then had no choice. The situation remained even after she gave birth to Adebowale. I refused to allow her make my food and that of my kids; she also had a separate room. Three months after the baby’s birth, she left again. Her excuse this time was that she could not continue to leave with a stranger as her husband. I did not stop her. She left with Adebowale.

Her exit gave Tessy and I a chance. About a year after Tessy and I met, we got married. We had a traditional marriage. Tessy was Itsekiri. When Monisola learnt of my marriage to Tessy she came back to the house to make trouble, she refused to take Adebowale when she left and rained curses on Tessy but all she said did not bother me. Tessy had a baby girl and I must confess she was a good mother to my three other kids. After the birth of Tamilore, Tessy’s first child, she was unable to have another child again. Not that she was bothered but we kept praying for another child. She became pregnant 11 years after the birth of Tamilore. My other kids were all grown up and Tamilore too. We had a happy family until three months after the birth of Korede, another baby girl. Tessy became sick; she had cancer of the cervix. This began another phase of my life.

Continued next week.
Tolu, Abuja.

Link Me Up

Blessing will like to hear from Mary and Martha. They were friends at Oke-Ira Anipopo Street, Lagos, before they moved to their own house. Please contact Blessing on 08077619601.

Link me up with Tola Olawore and all 1999/2000 set of Adventist Nursery & Primary School, Ologbo, Ogbomoso. This is Akintola Sunday, 0808375156.

Titi Adewunmi (Graduate, Anatomy, Unilorin) Titi Faleti (from Oyo State) where are you? We saw last in 2004 at our P.O.P in Yobe State. This is Tessy Taiwo. Reach me on 08065355123, 08051526050, 07085286963.

Link me up with Aderele Oluwaseun Raphel, a graduate of Maths and Statistics, Unilag. He was my room mate at AAUA in 2002. I am Falonpe Okukayode, 08057415928.

Link me up with my childhood friend, Idayat Ajibade. We both attended St. Mary’s Nursery/Pry School, Okoko and separated, December 24, 1996. I can be reached on 08025996699.

Link me up with my old girlfriend, Grace Asijua from Cross River State. We lost contact three years ago back in Mopa. I am Abiodun Ayodeji, 08072733022 Mopa, Kogi State.

I will like to meet Aderosi Adedoyin, I am Asafa Yusuf Omotola. We used to be friends when she lived at NTC Road, Ibadan (1998). I can be reached on 08020315703.

Jumoke, where are you? We were best friends at the National Institute for Sports, Lagos ,1998 set. This is Abdulahi S. Zango 08039650202.