Dating older women

By Adenike Bankole-Ojo

CHARLES and his wife Toyin have been married for almost 20 years. Toyin was 53 and Charles was 41 when they met. They both shared many values, including their faith. Their children are grown ups now and they love each other still. So,for them, it has worked out very well. Charles believes that having a relationship with an older woman may work for men who don’t want children. Because they had already had children. They agree not to have other children so they didn’t see age as a barrier too.

The story was different for Ben, 25, who is dating a 45-year-old woman. Ben believes that a woman can be 25 and marry a man of 45 or 55 and whatever

However, not all men are comfortable dating older women. Some men worry about the future. According to them, dating a woman who is older is risky because they worry about how things would feel in 10 years when she’s over 60 and they are younger.

The reasons some men date older women are as varied as the women themselves. These women, because of their experience, often have more wisdom and self-assurance than younger women - perhaps they may also possess more self-reliance and tolerance.

Mensroundtable went out to seek people’s opinion on this issue and these are their reactions:

Oluwadayo Kayode: There is no big deal about it. I am in my early 20s and right now, I don’t mind dating a 40-year-old woman. Of course, she will be quite more experienced than I am but I can assure you that I am an experienced guy as well. I know how best to handle the situation.

Eze Ogene: Well, I can date an older woman with five to seven years age difference. Anything beyond that is absolute nonsense. But why do people make a fuss about this whole issue of younger men dating older women anyway? I know a lady aged 45 and her husband is well over 70. If women can marry older men, why not the other way round? Anyway, for me, it depends on the age range.

Oyetade Badmus: I can do it depending on her physical appearance. If she is good looking and quite appealing, I can go for her.

Adelaja Adewale Francis: It depends on the individuals involved. For me, love should be the centre of everything. If you love each other, there is nothing wrong about it. The age limit also matters to me; if she is two to three years older than me, I can still bear it, aside that, I think it’s not reasonable.

Ifeanyi Ozoani: I can’t see anything wrong about it especially if the parties involved are mature enough to understand each other. Also, the level of love between them matters a lot. Most women want a man that is mature and so, to them, age is not an hinderance because maturity has nothing to do with age, so if two of them are mature and sincerely love each other, age becomes unneccessary.

Linus Abba: I can’t do that because there are many things attached to it. As a man, I like to be in charge of situations which dating an older woman would deprive me of. First, she would be too domineering, second, as the younger one, in terms of responsibilties, I might be forced to look up to her. I don’t like such idea at all.

Alaba Ojediran: As for me, there is every tendency for the woman to become too possessive and domineering. The age difference matters a lot and it will always tell no matter how much they love each other. The woman will overdo it one day and cross her boundary. It is not the best option at all.

Akeem Araba: In as much as the two of them can relate with each other very well, the maturity and love makes it possible. Age will not be a barrier, but with the condition that the woman does not become pompous and aggressive.

Ehis Okojie: Women’s looks are supposed to be constant but when they are older, they fade out, so why should I opt for an older woman? At Present, I have someone I intend to date and she is five years younger than me, but if you see her, she looks a lot older than me, so going for an older woman is out of the question.

Lawrence Sabejeje: The law of nature is such that a woman depreciates in beauty as she advances in age. If a man marries an older woman, he doesn’t find the fulfilment he desires because soon, the law of nature will start to set in.

Aside this, it is the man who suffers eventually and this might tempt the man to begin to chase younger women who are vibrant and more attractive. If I marry a younger woman, I will know that by the time she starts to fade out, I will be drizzled as well.

Hmmn..., the readers have reacted and it depends on individual choices however, for those who are head over heels in love with older women, here are some tips to help you.

Be a gentleman. An older woman wants to be treated with respect, like any woman does. While she might be attracted to your rebelliousness or youthful attitude, she still wants you to treat her with good manners.

Don’t get ahead of yourself. Don’t worry about the future until you actually might have one. Take your time and allow the relationship to develop.

Stay calm. You may be excited, but don’t overdo it. Have fun and enjoy your dates, but don’t come on too strong. She has some reservations, too.

Be charming. Don’t underestimate how powerful your smile can be. Use it often, make eye contact, and keep the conversation flowing. Pay attention to what interests you about your date, and show interest in her opinions, experiences and activities. Be complimentary whenever possible, and respond intelligently to whatever she says.

Don’t focus on looks. Give compliments, but focus less on her physical appearance - she may be anxious about it. And even if you’re complimentary, she may worry that you’re too focused on looks. She wants to be appreciated for who she is, including her intellect and style. Compliments like “That colour is lovely on you,” or “You look great tonight” are safer than “You’re in great shape.”

Keep conversation interesting and light. Feel free to talk about anything, including your personal lives, past relationships, and love in general, but don’t be the one who brings up the intimate topics first. Be wary of prying too deeply into her private life and secrets, unless the information is voluntarily offered.

Avoid talking too much about yourself. Keep your focus on learning about your date. Dole out the boring information about yourself. Punctuate your conversation with questions: “What do you think?” “Has it been that way for you?”

Pay attention! Listen to answers to your questions. You have things to learn here! Seek to get to know each other better. No matter how thrilled you may be about her, listening to what she says, watching what she does, and understanding how she feels are the most important things you can do. (Additional reports from internet)