Help, my wife has taken everything
updated: Thursday 14-05-2009
Dear Readers,
Two months ago, he was a happily married man with four children but his wife took everything he had and then filed for a divorce. Our writer today needs your help to make an important decision about his life. Please, read and advise him. Thanks, Monica Taiwo.
Dear Taiwo,
Please, read my story and advise me.Two
months ago, I was a happily married man
with a wonderful family, but now, the situation on the ground is driving me crazy and I need an urgent advice before I know how to act. My wife is driving me nuts. Please, let me narrate my story for a better understanding of my situation.
I got married to Toun, my wife, when the going was good. What particularly attracted her to me was her good character because she was my sister's friend and she was always coming to our house.
Initially, when we got married, Toun proved to be a faithful wife and I loved her so dearly. She was into business while I was a trader.
Everything was going on well until the last two months. We had beautiful children and that was enough to prove the length at which our marriage had gone. God blessed us with four children; boys and girls and our last child would be 10 this year.
Two months ago, this trouble started. Toun started behaving funny, which suggested that she was having extra-marital affairs. But I did not raise an eyebrow because she had never behaved that way before. I suspected something was fishy but I decided not to ask her about it.
A week after my suspicion, Toun began keeping late nights and she started neglecting her duties at home. This time, when I complained, she simply said she had to finish some business deals with some of her friends. What kind of business deals and what kind of friends and is the deal an everyday thing? I pondered over these questions in my mind but I decided to be more vigilant.
Meanwhile, Toun and I had just completed our house and, mind you, she was really supportive while the project lasted. What marvelled me was the way she started behaving. We loved each other, but now, our home was becoming a living hell. It seemed I was the one always complaining.
To cut a long story short, when I came back from work last week, I didn't believe what I met. I didn't know things had degenerated to that level. Taiwo, you can't believe it that Toun had packed out of the house! Toun was having extra-marital affair with a big businessman and he had promised her heaven and earth. What was my offence? I was no longer good enough for her and according to her, she wanted a good life and to cap it all, a divorce was instituted.
I was so shocked that I broke down and cried.We had lived together all this while (for almost 16 years,) we had built everything together. What on earth does she want again? After I tried to persuade her and all to no avail, I gave up. I told her to do whatever she wanted. Well, she did. She filed for a divorce and the most painful thing now is that, our house was left in her custody by the court.
I don't know how in the world she manipulated the documents for the house that it now carries her own name alone. We both wrote our names on it! But now, she has moved in with her man and left me with nothing. Although the children still come around, I pity them, poor things. They cried and cried but Toun has done her worst. I am all alone now, I don't know what to do. Please, help me.
Re: am I to be blamed?
GOOD day, Titi. Love still exists but it lasts
between two people who are ready to share
both their odd and normal times together. Really, love is a thing of the heart, this is only if the parties involved allow that heart to be the fertile land or a rocky foundation on which love is grown or built. Love is likened to two things, a house or plant, this is the reason we say, we develop love, as we grow seeds or erect a building.
Dayo’s love for you could be likened to a plant planted on an infertile land or a house built on a shaky foundation, sincerely, they will collapse. True love is supposed to be an unconditional love of come rain, come sunshine, the love still holds its stand but Dayo ran away when actually you needed him most. Who knows maybe if he had stayed by you, what befell him wouldn’t have happened?
There is a slogan attached to marriage which says marriage is for better and for worse. It is definitely an institution with no going back. This is buttressed by Apostle Paul who says, it is better if one remains unmarried than to marry and divorce at a later day (I Cor. 7 vs 1–3).
Titi, you are never to be blamed at all; what you did is very natural. You had played your role very well, you cannot get married for the sake of marriage; it makes a mockery of a marriage. You said you were picking the pieces of your life, I strongly have the belief that you are not yet out of age, gather yourself together to make yourself attractive. It is never too late for you, after all. One thing I want you to have as your key word is that there is lifting only where there had been a fall.
You wouldn’t have prayed for any evil to befall someone you had loved. If Dayo had reasoned well, he would have seen that the two accidents happened just the same manner. He called you while you were packing your belongings back home and on your way to answer the call of love you were involved in an accident.
Similarly, he wanted to answer the call of his in-laws and he too was a victim of yet another accident. He had realised that it was nemesis that had caught up with him and this was why his parents came to plead on his behalf, they ought not to have come, after all, they supported him to go ahead with the marriage plan by getting him another lady to get married to their son.
If they had reasoned well, they should have cautioned him to put himself into your shoes to see how it would have been, even if Dayo insisted going ahead in his plan to marry the other lady.
To my own discretion, Dayo had not been a faithful lover, how long had he stopped seeing than he concluded getting married to another person without a change in date, he definitely had been keeping a secret affair while your wedding plans was on.
I pray for his full recovery to get himself stand on his feet again but this manner of man will never make a good husband and will never make you happy. If he marries you because of your beauty, when the beauty fades, he will abandon you to marry a younger woman, if it is any features that he sees to get him married to you, God forbid bad thing, he will run if the features are no more.
I read in your story that you both fell in love on the first day you met (love at first sight). There was a behaviour he wanted that you possessed that made him develop interest in you likewise you too, immediately the features were no more in you, he ran away.
I am sure the accident might have left you with some scars, despite this, there is someone who cares about you, who will pamper you as a sister, he will love you the more and see these injuries that bother you as a funny thing.
Abiodun Joseph Adewale
08055226820.
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