Help me, will I ever find my own woman?

updated: Thursday 09-04-2009

I am blessed with four children from four women. My first child is 27 years old while my second child is 26 years old. My third child is less than five years old while the fourth is about six months old.

Immediately I left secondary school in 1979 at the age of 19, I got employed as a class teacher in a town in Ogun State. I actually reported for duty on November 6, 1979. The first acquaintance I made in the school was one of my juniors whose father had been transferred to the town some months before I graduated. It was only natural that I related with her; the relationship soon became intimate and we made love several times. Then she became a scarce commodity and the novice that I was soon forgot about her while I frolicked with other ladies.

I was surprised one afternoon when my father visited me at my teaching post and informed me that he was just coming from my wife's place. "Which wife?" I asked. He smiled and mentioned my girlfriend’s name. It was then it dawned on me that I had not seen her for some time. When I looked at my father inquiringly, he informed me that it was my girlfriend’s stepmother who discovered she was pregnant and she informed him, that was how I had my first son.

About a year later, I became friendly with another lady in the neighbourhood. We made love and she also became pregnant. The two of us agreed to terminate the pregnancy to avoid the obvious ugly repercussion. I asked her to come to my place while I organised the fee for the operation. She was at my place very early in the morning. A friend who promised me a loan was late in coming, so I asked my girlfriend to wait in my room while I went in search of my friend. When I returned, I met an empty room. The next time I set my eyes on the lady was when she had been delivered of a baby boy, my second son.

It was about 11 years later that the urge to have a wife of my own came strong. Then I met Bola. She was an example of a typical wife; beautiful, caring, and considerate. She was a clerk in the school where I was teaching.

When the relationship was six years old, I informed her of my desire to marry her and told her to start a business to augment her take home. I even offered to obtain a loan to finance the business. Bola’s reaction was that I should become a church-going Christian. When I pointed out the illogicality of her condition with my proposal, she insisted it was either I started going to church or she quit the relationship. We were at this when I met Yemi. Although, she was a student, she was self-sufficient because she owned a lucrative business. In retrospect, I committed an error by informing her about the dilemma I was facing with Bola because three months into the relationship, Yemi told me she was pregnant and that no force on earth would make her terminate the pregnancy. All my pleas that she should terminate the pregnancy were unsuccessful.

I knew I was in trouble when, in the course of one of our arguments, she bluntly asked, "won’t you get married?" My response was that even if I should get married, it was not with a lady I met just three months ago, and a lady who had refused to reason with me. She responded that by the time she was delivered, the relationship would be over one year old. I insisted that I would not be forced into wedlock; she vowed to keep the pregnancy and she avoided me. That was how I got the third child from a third woman.

I then shifted my search to the internet. About a year later, I met a Kenyan woman on the net. She was a divorcee with two kids. I told her my desire: that I needed a wife and not a mother and she agreed since between us, we already had five kids. So in December of 2005, yours truly travelled to Nairobi and in January 2006, we got married according to Islamic rites. Although, I have Christian background, I conceded to marry a Muslim according to Islamic injunctions as a means of compromise and a display of my love and affection for my wife. In January 2007, I applied for a year leave of absence from my teaching post to be with my wife. As we had agreed not to have more kids, we employed the family planning device, but the formula went awry in February and I persuaded my wife to procure an abortion.She consented and it marked the beginning of the end of the affair; things went topsy-turvy. My wife was no longer coming early to bed; she saw everything wrong in all I did. I became an outcast in a home I was supposed to be the head. She starved me of sex so much that I nearly had it with her sister-in-law who was putting up with us.

I had no option but to cajole her for a round of sex in May when I could no longer bear the psychological trauma. I had to leave Nairobi unceremoniously resulting from a visa palaver but chiefly from my wife’s unreasonable stance. The fracas was so bad that on the eve of my departure, my wife and I slept on either side of our matrimonial bed; both of us did not see it as being odd! It was when I got to Nigeria in June that she told me that she was pregnant being the result of the love we made in May. She was delivered of a baby girl in February 2008: my fourth kid from the fourth woman!
From the text messages we exchanged, it has become obvious that the centre of our wedding could no longer hold. It became conclusive when she sent me a text to the effect that "even if I am not a good wife, at least I am a good mother." My response was: "when we met, I told you I was searching for wife, not a mother." She had asked for a divorce which I gladly gave.

My conviction is that for every man, there is a woman, and for every woman there is a man. Where is my own woman, my wife? Is she out there? Is there a woman above 40, preferably between 45 and 50, with similar desire out there? She must wish to be a wife and not a mother. A professional who is financially independent and reasonably communicative. If she is reading this piece she should get in touch with me through the editor.

My telephone number is 08037204744; my email add: marshalspark@yahoo.com. My web site is http:akinyode.awardspace.com I will be 49 in July.

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