She ruined my life, how can I reconcile with her?

As a young man he had a bright future ahead of him. Unlike other young men who lost their fathers at a very tender age, today's writer was lucky to have his uncle's support in everything he did.
All was well until he met a lady who according to him, derailed his life. This singular issue had a ripple effect. That is why he wants your advice.
Please read and counsel him.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo

Dear Taiwo,
I don’t know what you can do for me or how you can help me out of my present predicament. I am in a mess and my situation is so bad that only God can help me. I also need your counsel and that of your readers so that I will know what to do next. Taiwo, I started my life well and I had a promising future ahead of me until the devil allowed a woman and subsequently other women to ruin my life. Women pushed me into the situation I am in today and I want all men who would read my story to learn one or two lessons from me. I will start from the beginning so that you will understand me very well.

I graduated from one of the best universities way back in the early 80’s. I was also very young. I have my uncle (the last born of my paternal grandfather ) to thank for that. I lost my father at a very tender age, my mother had just two of us, my elder sister and I. My father trained my uncle, he was like a father to him and he told us that he would train us to whatever level of education we wanted to attain and to the glory of God, he did.

I continued to live with him and his family even after my NYSC. He used his influence coupled with my brilliance to get me a job with one of the para-military agencies and I began to make good money and looked forward to a good and peaceful family life like my uncle's.

My uncle lived in his own house; it was a block of four flats and we used the two flats upstairs while the two downstairs were rented out to tenants. Coincidentally the two tenants downstairs were attending the same assembly with my uncle. In one of those flats lived a young lady - Joke. I liked her and asked her for a relationship. Then she just gained admission to the University of Lagos. She agreed but stated categorically from the onset that she wasn’t interested in pre-marital sex. Because I loved her and I understood the tenents of her belief, I agreed totally, and we continued our relationship, with the consent of her sister who was living with them.

When my uncle learnt about our relationship, he kicked against it, but with persuasion and after he made me promise not to mess up Joke’s life he consented. I had to leave my uncle’s house to rent my own apartment after sometime, not because he asked me to leave but because of the proximity to my office. I got myself a flat and furnished the place, it gave Joke and I an opportunity to be closer as she used to come regularly to see me, but she still insisted on her no-sex-before-marriage stance. I had no problem with that and I must be sincere that I respected her for it. I wasn’t a virgin myself, I had had a couple of affairs when I was in school, but as a young man who was in love for the first time, I was prepared to wait for Joke. I had no intentions of dating any other girl, until that faithful morning when fate pushed Monisola into my life. I used to see her every morning. I had never bothered to ask her where she worked, but of course she would know where I worked because of my uniform. On this particular day, it started raining as soon as I got to the bus stop, I had no umbrella, and she invited me to share her's.

She had a big one. I did and under the umbrella while we were waiting for the bus we started talking. It was then that I learnt that Monisola was her name and I also introduced myself to him as Tolu. She said my name fascinated her because Tolu is a lady’s name, I told her my full name is Toluwalase, she asked why I was about explaining why my parents gave me that name, when our bus came. We boarded the same bus, and sat together because there was no rush, the rain delayed so many people. Before I could bring out my money she paid to the bus conductor. After she had paid I thanked her and politely asked her how I could repay her, she answered that a lunch date wouldn’t be a bad idea. I did not answer, not because I wasn’t up to it, but I felt she was joking.

I was then surprised when I was told that I had a visitor, just before closing time. I asked that the visitor be shown into my office and it was Monisola. I was surprised. She read my countenance and she said she only came to claim her lunch date and she would leave if I felt otherwise that after all I promised her. I took her to lunch and over lunch we got talking. I learnt she was a Muslim, from a polygamous family. I told her about my family and the fact that I am a Christian, attending a spiritual church C&S, because that was my mother's church, (I should let you know that although we all lived in my uncle’s place he was not rigid on religion. He was a Jehovah's witness while we attended the C&S church. That was one of the reasons why he objected to the relationship between Joke and I initially).

Anyway, I also learnt that she lived very close to my house. From that day we became friends, later I told her about Joke and she also told me about how her father wanted her to marry one of his friends who was his benefactor. I had no intentions of dating her or anything like that, in fact, I introduced her to Joke who then was in her final year at the university. I was doing well and we had plans to get married during her NYSC, in fact I had started going to the kingdom hall, as I would do anything for her.

Along the line, I got a car, with my savings, and my uncle added a little more for me. So I began to give Monisola a lift to the office, sometimes she would wait and return home with me. My sister, I cannot really remember how or when it started but I began to date Monisola. Joke raised an issue about our closeness severally, but I told her not to worry, as she was only my friend. One thing led to the other, I slept with her, not once or twice, but several times and when she came to inform me she was pregnant for me I had no choice, I couldn’t deny it.

You know as a young man then, I pleaded with her to have an abortion, but she refused. It was then that I learnt that she was older than me by five years. I was devastated; I had no choice but to marry her when my mother and my uncle learnt about the whole issue. It was only my sister that supported me, but there was nothing I could do. When all these happened, Joke was writing her final exams. She came home and rushed down to my house, when she learnt I was preparing to marry Monisola, till date, I cannot forget the look on her face. Of course I couldn’t deny the obvious. I tried to plead with her but she left. She fell very sick and almost died. Because of the incident, Joke could not make her first class, she was a first class material, I was happy to learn that she made a two one, because of this one of senior sisters took her to Britain as soon as she finished her exams. She came back after four years for her NYSC.

However, my marriage to Monisola was the beginning of my end. She derailed and destabilized my life. I learnt she told me a lot of lies. I was disillusioned even from the beginning but I had no choice. My family would not even want to hear anything like “she would go after the child, all I want is my child."

Tolu, Abuja,
Continued next week.

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