Things she does not have to know

updated: Friday 04-07-2008

AFTER a certain time in a relationship, a woman starts to equate what she knows about her guy with intimacy. Apparently, knowing all the little details about each other brings you closer together as a couple. Most men correctly identify this instinct as "nosiness." There are some things that she doesn't need to know: Obviously, details such as the fact that you were sentenced for murder might need to be dealt with sooner rather than later, but there's a host of other little facts that can be safely swept under the carpet. And for your own peace of mind, it's best if you encourage her to keep some of her stories there as well.

Note that we're not condoning outright lying, but it's often better to duck and dive. Skim over details, downplay the facts, or distract her with something shiny -- anything to keep sensitive information under wraps. More often than not, though, it's just a case of you keeping quiet when a stupid thought pops into your head. We'd like to remind you about all the things she doesn't need to know, just so you can work on keeping that your mouth shut and keeping your relationship on calm waters.

You hooked up with the hot barmaid
There's something deep inside a man that means he can't help but boast. Think about how we were as little kids, always bragging who scored the most goals, who had the best bike, whose dad was the toughest. It's something we men never quite grow out of. So when you spot that really fine barmaid you once made it with, there's a part of you that wants the whole world to know all the details of the sordid encounter. However, if you're with your woman, you have to learn to tell that part of you to shut the hell up because there are things she doesn't need to know, and this is definitely one of them. It's best to avoid mentioning details regarding any woman you've hooked up with.

You lived with your parents until recently
Ok, so sometimes things don't go as planned and you end up back with the folks. There are many valid reasons why a guy may be forced to move in with his parents for a while -- he might have had a bad breakup, or maybe he just finished college and is broke, or his own house was destroyed by an act of God. No one will think any less of him, right? Wrong: Living with your parents past the age of 21 hardly conveys the impression of a strong, independent man, now does it? First off, while you're still there, you shouldn't be dating. A one-night hookup ending at her place is fine, but nothing long-term. Wait until you're out of there and in your own place. Once you are dating, mentioning the slip in living circumstances is one of the things she doesn't need to know. If she finds out that living with mom and dad is always an option for you, she'll do one of two things.

The bad things your buddies are up to
Everyone's buddies do bad things -- hell, sometimes we even join them. Friendships between single guys are forged through long nights of drinking, screwing around and causing trouble. Women know this, and they don't like it. So keep your mouth shut on all the reprehensible behaviour your pals get up to, even if she seems to enjoy the stories -- secretly, she doesn't, and this is one of those things she doesn't need to know. In reality, your girl isn't happy to hear about Frank's latest sugar mummy, the new girl that Dave knocked up or Charlie's obsession with whores -- what she's doing is judging you by their actions. In her eyes, the sins of all your friends rub off on you. If you relish telling the stories of their hell-raising exploits, your woman might get the idea that you want to be single again, and she'll want you to cut contact with those bad influences. At worst, she could even think you're out there sinning with them, which isn't going to be good for trust in the relationship.

The one that got away
At some point, couples have to talk about past relationships. It's one of those annoying things that fall into the intimacy and getting-to-know-each-other categories. The key is to make sure it's done in the quickest, least-detailed way possible because you need to remember there are things she doesn't need to know, especially about your past. You don't need to over-elaborate on the details of each girl and why she was so special to you. Keep it simple: her name, how old you were, how long it lasted, and maybe why it ended. Please don't tell her all about that one special girl. What the woman in your life really doesn't need to know is that one girl came and changed everything, and that every other woman you meet will be judged by the high standards she set. And you really wish the two of you could have made it work. And that, if you met her again one day, you'd beg for a second chance. All that stays in the past.