He has rejected me and our child, what do I do?

Updated: Thursday 05-11-2009

Dear Readers,
Our writer today needs your advice in order to know how she would cope with her mother biased attitude towards her. She has dropped out of school because of this. Please read and advise her.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo..

Dear Taiwo,
Please, help me, save me from my mother before I do something drastic. I have made up my mind to run away to a place where she will never find me. I want to run away as far as my legs can take me, to somewhere she cannot think of. But I remember that I tried it once and she found me.

The other alternative is death. Yes, I will take my own life. I don’t mind committing suicide, at least that will put an end to this miserable life my mother is forcing me to live. But a friend of mine who knew the genesis of all these advised me to tell the world my story through your column and then wait for your counsel and those of your readers before doing anything drastic.

Taiwo, I am 32 years old, with no future. I and my siblings are being made to suffer for our father's sins. I believed only God can visit the sins of the fathers on their sons, but my mother is doing exactly that.

At my age, I have no future, except the miserable life she is forcing me to live. I grew up within a large polygamous family. My father, an ex-military man, had four wives.

My mother was the second wife; she had a junior wife. We all lived happily until when daddy brought another lady, who according to him, he met sometime ago during the war in Liberia.

She came into our home and destroyed the peaceful co-existence which had always being on ground.

This woman, Aunty Elizabeth, was very quarrelsome and fetish. She would quarrel with our mothers and even we the children. Mummy Agba, as we fondly called daddy's first wife, had no children for a long time. This was why daddy married my mother. My eldest sister, Modupe, the one after her, Semilore and Morenikeji, the only son were older than Seun, who was mummy Agba’s first child. After Seun, she never had another child.

I remembered that my stepsisters from mummy’s junior wife, Mama Basira, were older than my immediate sister and I, because, according to my mummy, she had a little delay after Keji when daddy brought mama and her baby home. She had another daughter, Aminat. I am sure you would wonder why they had Muslim names. My father is a Muslim, but mummy and mummy Agba were converts and they preferred to call us those names. My immediate senior sister, Yemisi and I came much later and we all lived together without problems.

I could remember our real times were always a happy one or whenever there was any celebration. My family members were enough without inviting people from outside.

None of daddy’s wives had secular jobs, they were all business women. My mother and mummy Agba traded in fabrics and Basira’s mum sold food stuffs. Nobody coming into our house would know who is who, we lived together as a good family until Aunty Elizabeth came into our household. She made sure she gave all our mothers a bitter pill each to swallow before she left.

She killed Seun, mummy Agba’s only son. She killed Morenikeji and Seun, the only son, Mama Basirat, took her own children away but not before Basirat became paralysed on the left leg; she remained that way till today.

Aunty Elizabeth we were told confessed to all her evil deeds before she left. She had no child for our daddy and by the time he drove her away, dad had lost everything he had. His business collapsed and our home had become something else.

My immediate elder sister, Yemisi, and I were in the boarding school for our secondary school and we came home on holidays to find out that mum had moved out of dad’s house. She had moved into one of her own houses and that was the beginning of it for us. I am her last born for my father and until she met Kunle and Adebomi’s father, things were going smoothly.

Mummy remarried and had two other children, as I mentioned, Kunle and Adebomi. Their father was a no-good. He had a wife and children at home, several times, he would beat mummy up and destroy things in our home. In fact, at a time, my siblings and I advised mummy to send him away

We did not move into his house, rather he used to come to our house. When his problems was too much, mum asked him to stop coming. It took the intervention of mummy’s connection with some military men to stop him from killing my mummy and my step-siblings.

Posterity, however, remained mummy's friend. Her business was doing very well. She had several shops at the town’s popular fabric market and she was making good money.

The sad thing, however, is that my other elder siblings had no interest in education. So they started going to the market with mummy. But from the onset, I told my mummy that I wanted to further my education and she did not argue with me. and so it was when I finished my school certificate, and passed in flying colours and I gained admission to one of the Federal Polytechnics. There, I discovered that it was not what I wanted, so I sat for JAMB examinations and I got a university admission to study Economics.

During the holidays, I would go to the shop with mother and gradually she encouraged me to start my own fabric business. Even while the school was in session, I sold fabric to my colleagues and I was making good money. I don’t really know what happened, but when I wanted to return to school for my second semester in 200 level, mum said I would have to stop school because she had no money to give me. I was shocked. I knew her business so well. For her to tell me she had no money was funny.

I asked her what she wanted me to do, "stop school," she said. It was a bitter pill but my eldest sister came to my rescue. She and my immediate sister were not so lucky I was able to keep and save the money I made from my trade in school, but they got paid by my mummy for their services, so they weren’t as buoyant as I was but despite that, she sold some of her stuffs to see me through 200 level. When I came home on holidays, I worked extra hard so I could save enough money to go back to school. I don’t really know how mummy got to know that I had money, but she asked me to borrow her some money when she needed to travel out of the country to buy goods for sale. I was surprised, I asked why, she said she spent a lot of money sorting out my step sisters admission into a private university; at the same time, by step brother also got admission into a private polytechnic. I told her she wasn’t even thinking of my own school, she said she would give me the money back as soon as she sold her goods, so that I could use part of it to pay my fees and she would pay me back later.

Unfortunately, that never happened. As she never paid back and I had to drop out of school in 300 level. She was always complaining that she does not have money. This, however, did not stop her from sending my step siblings to private higher institutions.

When I raised this with her, she advised me to follow my elder sisters' steps. She said school was not meant for us as our father was a no-good. I asked her to return my N500,000, so I could go back to school. She asked me to get her arrested by the police; whenever I asked for the money she would rain curses on me.

At a stage, my sisters told me to leave her alone. They made me realise that mummy did not want to pay my money as she does not want me or any of my father's children to go to school or be better than our stepsiblings.

As broke as she was, these two children got the best of every thing. I wasn’t too young to know a lot of things. I know my father was better than Debomi and Kunle’s father.

I am 32 years old, I cannot even boast of anything of my own. I worked hard for her day and night. All she does is to curse, rave and rant.

My boyfriend is in the USA, everytime he called he would tell me to go back to school. About two months ago, I went to see his mother and I over- heard her speaking with her son on phone. She actually asked him why he wanted an illiterate as wife. She didn’t realise I heard, these words hit me like thunder. I spoke with my eldest sister about my intention to go back to school she advised that I do so without mummy’s knowledge or else I won’t succeed. Why is she doing this to us?

I don’t want to live my life the way my sisters are living their own. Both of them have children out of wedlock. As if that is not enough, they have children for every man that came their way. I don’t want this type of life. I want to live and make a life. If she won't release me from her claws. I am prepared to kill myself. Taiwo, please, help me.

Omowunmi