Sex and you

By Adia Ukoyen

Women tend to blame themselves when a partner appears to lose interest in sex. The feeling is that there is something wrong with the lovemaking technique or he just doesn’t fancy them anymore, or still, there is someone else. This is often not the case. It is only an indication that there is something going on upstairs that is freezing activities downstairs and the job for you is to find out what that something is, and work together to sort it out.

If your man denies you sex, it is not uncommon to be left worrying about whether he is having an affair and is about to end the relationship. The truth is that although you may experience these feelings and thoughts, it is unlikely that his loss of desire or ability to maintain an erection is caused by a loss of interest in you, your looks or your relationship. Most men suffer from erection problems when they are stressed out, tired or under pressure to perform in some way. In fact, the problem is more likely to originate from a demanding boss, heavy workload, and financial problems, than from you.

If your partner has been working hard and trying to meet deadlines or targets, the tiredness and worry can cause problems in focusing on lovemaking. Other causes of temporary erection loss can be overindulgence in alcohol or in a heavy meal just before retiring to bed.

When this happens, stimulation during foreplay will not cause or sustain an erection. This can explain the occasional loss of erection, which nearly all men suffer from at some point during their lives.

If your man loses his erection during lovemaking, it is crucial to comfort him and avoid making accusations about his loss of interest in you, or imply an affair. This will only heap on the pressure and make things worse. Sometimes a simple rest before attempting sex again is all that is needed, but if he still finds it difficult to achieve an erection, just offer a cuddle and plenty of reassurance that you care about him.

It is also important to explain your feelings about what has happened and to ask for his help in coping with the emotions you may be experiencing. Explain that you are worried it may be connected to your relationship and how he feels about you, and encourage him to open up about what is going on with him too. In this way, you can act as a team and solve the problem together, rather than both avoiding the issue through fear.

If your partner regularly suffers from erection loss, he should be checked out by his doctor. Erection difficulty can be an indicator of illnesses such as diabetes or heart disease. Avoid panicking your partner by telling him he may have a serious illness or problem. Instead, suggest he has a general check-up to make sure that all is well.

He should inform his doctor of all the symptoms of his erection loss and any other health problems he may have encountered. Often a course of tablets prescribed by your doctor can restore an erection quickly. If the doctor suggests he needs more tests or needs treatment for an illness, it is better to act fast, as many health problems left untreated can be harder to remedy at a later stage. If you delay because you believe his inability to get an erection is down to a problem he has with finding you attractive, you may never find the solution you crave. Watch out for a gradual loss of erections over an extended period, as this is more likely to be an indicator of illness. A rapid loss of erection (for example, on just one occasion) is more likely to be linked to emotional concerns. But a visit to your doctor can put your mind at rest on both these counts.

If you are experiencing problems in your relationship-frequent arguments, problems with the children, money problems or other sexual difficulties, they could be the trigger. But the main concern of women and this problem of sex is the one they discuss amongst themselves.

But it is penitent for women, especially, to realise the immense benefits of sex. Enjoying a rigorous romp can do wonders for everyone both physically and psychologically.