Help! My newly married wife bed-wets

If you are a regular reader of this column you would have read this story before. I am sure you will wonder why it is being published again.
Well, it is our custom to publish at the end of the year, the story which attracted the highest number of feedbacks and replies. This story did for last year. I also wish to use this opportunity to thank you all for your contributions and support. God belss you.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,
My problem needs an urgent solution and I pray you will help me find one before it is too late. I have just one month to make up my mind. I must confess, I am very sad. The problem is between my wife and I. I love Tomilayo to a fault and my very existence depends on her. If I tell you that I don’t know what my life and future will look like without her, I am not exaggerating. She means so much to me.

Tomi and I met at a Christian gathering. The day I met her she stood out in the crowd amongst the women, it was a singles programme and despite the fact that we were all free to move around, she stood alone in a corner and smiled at everyone who passed by. The moment I saw her, I knew this was the woman I wanted to share the rest of my life with, and I offered a silent prayer begging God that she should still be single.

My prayers were answered when I moved close to her after the programme and spoke with her. I learnt a lot about her that first day. I discovered that she was a trained lawyer but was working as a company secretary, second child in a family of three children. Her father and mother were respectable people in the society and all in all she had an enviable background. Tomi is a lady who every young man would be very proud to take home to his parents.

I wasted no time in telling her about myself, over the snacks which I invited her for, before we left for our different homes. I also expressed the desire to see her again which she did not mind. After our first meeting, we began to see each other regularly and I expressed my feelings to her after two months. The first time I told her, she smiled and said the feelings and intentions were mutual but she’s not so sure I could cope. I was surprised when she said this, I asked her to explain what she meant, but she did not say more than that. I told her I could cope very well and after taking some drinks, she departed.

Tomi still stayed with her parents while I had my own apartment. Both of us reside at the Lagos Island at different locations.

When I got home, I tried to think over what she said and wondered what it could mean. I believed she was not referring to my finances when she asked if I could cope. I had a good job, I was working for a bottling company as a manager. I also have a background that can compare with hers favourably. I did not see her as a spoilt child. Instead she has such a large heart and very humble. And to say the truth, I had never seen or come across any woman who is as pretty as Tomi is. Although beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, you need to know her so that you will understand me.

I tried to raise this issue two or three times when we met again after the day she said it, but she did not say more on it. When I discovered she wasn’t going to say more, I increased my effort of showing her how much I loved her. I took her home to meet my parents, I also asked to meet her parents too. The day I took her home, my mother was the happiest woman. She took to Tomilayo immediately. My father doesn’t talk much but he too could not hide his feelings.

My only sister, also couldn’t help but fall in love with her. I am the last of two children and my parents loved us very dearly. Tomilayo is a lady anybody will fall in love with, coupled with the fact that she is very well behaved and wherever she is, she exhibits the fact that she was well brought up. My mother and sister could not stop talking about her.

The reception when I visited her parents was not different. I also was received with love and her parents took to me immediately. They treated me like their son. Although Tomi’s other siblings were not around, but the reception given by her parents was just enough that day. Her younger brother was abroad, but her elder brother is married and have his own family in South Africa.

We dated for a year and seven months and, I proposed marriage to her on her birthday and she accepted and confessed that my proposal was the best present she had ever received. Immediately after my proposal, I looked at her and discovered that she was not looking happy. I asked why but she could not explain and I was unable to cheer her up even until I dropped her off at home.

I passed by my parents' home and told them the news and they were elated. I told my mother what happened a few minutes after my proposal, she asked to confirm from her if there was no other man in her life, I gave an affirmative answer immediately, because I knew that there was no one. She advised that I still ask her about it. I tried to on several occasions but Tomilayo had no explanation. I noticed that as the marriage plans proceeded, she sometimes looked withdrawn. At a stage, I felt I was pushing her too much and tried to slow down.

Throughout our courtship, we did not sleep together or have cause to have sex. Our courtship was strictly no sex till the wedding night. This is because both of us are Christians and my joy knew no bounds when I discovered on our wedding night that Tomilayo was still a virgin at 28. I couldn’t get over it and I promised to be faithful to her at all cost.

We went to Togo for out honeymoon. We had a quiet wedding by choice as both of us wanted to avoid all the pomp and pageantry our parents wanted. They conceded and gave us a classy but quiet wedding attended by all that mattered.

I noticed that on our wedding night after we made love, Tomilayo couldn’t sleep. I tried to get her relax but she just couldn’t; I then felt it was the tension and stress of the day. I gave her hot chocolate drink and slept off. When I woke up early in the morning, she still had not slept.

I tried to make her relaxed, she eventually slept off early the next day and I left her to sleep throughout the day. We had already agreed that for the first two days we wouldn’t go out to anywhere, but later after lunch, she said we should take a stroll and called on the hotel housekeeper to make the bed. I saw nothing wrong with that as there really was a need to change it.

The next day, Tomi slept even before me and woke up with a start in the middle of the night. When I discovered the bed was wet, she was in the bathroom. I felt maybe she mistakenly poured water on the bed and I just slept off. The third day it was the same thing. When on the fourth and fifth days, it happened again, I could not ignore it any longer.

I asked her what was happening. It was then that I discovered that my Tomilayo bed wets. I was too shocked to utter a word. She pleaded with me to accept her the way she was. She said it had always been her problem. She explained that she and her parents had done everything possible to get a solution but there has been none.

I then asked her why she had kept it from me for that long. She said it was because she did not want to lose me. She also told me that her mother had told her to tell me earlier than now, but she was afraid to do so. I could not get over it, she pleaded with me to take her the way she was and let it be our secret.

I was shocked! To say the incident destroyed our honeymoon is an understatement. I tried to go on as if everything was normal, but Tomi could not relax and as bedtime was approaching, she would become so tensed that I felt so sorry for her. I tried to get her to relax but I couldn’t. We had to stop our honeymoon and come back home. At home, things were not different. She even suggested that she use the guest room, but I wouldn’t hear of it.

We have devised a means. We got a mackintosh for the bed and every morning, we’ll change the bed sheets. I refuse to allow my houseboy wash the sheets, I wash them by myself and try to encourage my wife. I do all these to make her relax but it’s not working.

This has started to affect us. For instance, she can not relax to make love, and she hardly sleeps. What can we do? Please Taiwo, help us.

Ade, Lagos