Can she provoke you to hit her?

By Adenike Bankole-Ojo- updated: Thursday 02-07-2009

DARE was a quiet young boy who grew up under the agony of seeing his parents quarrel most times with the father always battering the mother to an extent that he left scars on her body. This affected Dare in school so much that he started to get low grades and in his mind, he battled with how he could get his mother out of the situation. He later resolved to join the army so that he would be able to defend his mother from his father.

Tunde’s case was different as he grew up and found nothing wrong in beating his wife, just as his father used to batter his mother. He learnt this from his father and he simply enjoys seeing his wife maltreated.

The question is, what drives men into battering their wives and what must have transpired between a man and his partner, be it his wife, fiancee or girlfriend, that would make him get so slighted to an extent that he has no option but to hit her?

Most men lack self control and because of this, they throw caution into the wind at any slightest provocation unleash their anger on their women, even those courting are not left out. Some beat girlfriends to the point of coma. Why is this so? Is it true that some women are so naughty that they can provoke their men to hit them? But why should a man have to resort into beating? Can your wife provoke you to hit her?Mensroundtable went out to seek men’s opinions on this and below are their responses:

Richard Olisekodiaka: I want you to know that I hate to hurt a woman. I grew up in an environment where it is generally accepted that women should be battered without giving them any options.When I accepted Christ, this modified my view and I have since then kicked against such act and I have vowed never to raise my hand against my wife.

Any disagreement can be carefully resolved; whatever the case may be. Instead of hitting her, I will create an enabling environment for communication between us so that we can air out grievances. If I start to hit her on any occasion, that means I am hitting myself. My wife is my help and my other half, I will never raise my hand to hit her no matter what happens.

Adeshina Adekunle: I did it once, because she really provoked me to the extent that I had no choice but to hit her; but I promised afterwards never to do such a thing again. She started to doubt my trust because a girlfriend came along and she wasn’t convinced that I wasn’t dating her, even after series of explanations. She flared up and accused me of cheating on her and I was forced to react the way I did, but I won’t do it again.

Rafiu Oladepo: I can never hit a woman for any reason. I have never done it before and I don’t intend to do it in the future. At least, before I married her, I didn’t start by beating her, so there is no sense in beating her after I have. In fact, when a man starts to beat his wife, true love no longer exists between him and his wife.

Samuel Adebayo: It’s not polite to even think about such a thing. I can quarrel with her, but not to the extent of raising my hand to hit her. A man needs to be tolerant because the two of you are from different backgrounds so, the man shouldn’t expect that his wife should exhibit the same character as his.

According to the Bible, any man who hits his wife incurs a curse upon his head. Any man who thinks he is hot-tempered should be very careful because if he meets his match one day, he would then become sober, if people can tolerate him, then he should learn to tolerate others, especially his wife. It’s not advisable hitting one’s wife because it’s not the best way to resolve issues in marriages and relationships.

Owolabi Surajudeen:- There are many ways you can discipline your wife rather than beating her. Engaging in a face-to-face physical fight with your wife is bad, but I can deal with my wife thoroughly if she offends me. If she provokes me so much that it becomes unbearable, then I can stop being kind to her, I can even stop being best in bed. I can do so many things to make her feel sober and submissive but not to the level of hitting her.

Oyewole Timilehin: Every guy wants a happy home and when your wife does not make you happy, what would you do? There are some situations where you don’t have a choice but to hit your wife if she provokes you. In a situation that she doesn’t trust me and she keeps repeating it; in a situation where she doesn’t welcome my family and she insists on disrespecting them. During those times she fails in her duty as a wife and when she becomes strong headed inspite of corrections what else can I do but to pounce on her?

Omotoso Sabusi: I thank God for my wife right now but I tell you, there are some women who want to be beaten, even if you don’t want to beat them.When I was in school, I used to beat my girlfriends because they provoked me so much. But now that I am married, I can’t do such a thing any longer and thank God because He gave me a very good and understanding wife.

Some ladies feel they have to be on top and in charge of affairs in relationships, maybe because of their upbringing or they are the first in their family so, they misbehave, not knowing that there is limitation to human endurance. God even said we should caution our wives or else they get out of hand.

Such were the opinions of those interviewed, but another qustion is, if you cannot beat your mother, why would you want to beat the mother of your child(ren)?