Who is a good husband?

By Yemi Ayankunle - updated: Friday 03-07-2009

New couple. IT is every woman’s desire and dream to have a good home; that means, no woman will ever want a problem in her matrimony. For all, a good home does not just come from the blues; it takes more than a wish to have one. A good home has to be built and worked for. It takes two to tango, so it takes the man and the woman to make a successful home.

It is a common belief from the beginning that God has created a man to be the head of a home; a head who will carry every part of the body along, a head that will transfer senses to all other parts of the body and a head who takes a larger share of the responsibilities.

As a result of this onerous task, a man can either make or mar his home. It is a general saying that a peaceful home depends on the woman. It is true. It is not a myth; women are helpmates and before one can render help, you, as a man, must have to take charge to some extent.However, this does not change the fact that a man holds the key to the home

Since most of the responsibilities rest with a man, what does it take to be a good husband and how can a man remain good to his wife and children? Some believe that if a man can provide for his family, he has done it all, but can money solve it all? Is money a determinant of goodness? Money, surely, cannot buy peace and joy needed in a home.

Apart from money, many still hold the belief that a man is considered good based on the testimony from people outside. They believe that when a man is good outside, that is a sure proof that he is also good at home. Is this true at all?

Some time ago, Mosun, a widow lost her husband after six years of marriage. During her husband’s lifetime, he lived a stingy life and did not give money nor attention to his wife and children.

Till his death, he did not have any good record with his family. Whenever he stayed at home, it was a living hell experience for the wife and children, but they only had their freedom when he was not around.

He was the domineering type, autocratic and selfish and however, would not allow his children and wife to have a second’s peace.

Nevertheless, during his wake-keep, people showered praises and encomiums on him to the extent that one of the sons asked their mother to allow him peep into the casket to see if it was really their father that was there because the comments made by the people were contradictory to the man’s person when he was alive.

In the light of all these, who, then, can be called a good man? A good man will in turn make a good husband. Is he the one who harps on the children and the wife and doesn’t allow them have a minute freedom, is he the one who provides adequately for the family alone and create little time for them? Who is he? Strictly femail went out to seek people’s opinion and below are their responses:

Elizabeth Adebayo, Lawyer: A good husband is the one who plays a role of headship without any flop. I know this might not be possible except one marries an angel. But to some extent, a husband can be good if he realises he is the head that every member of the family is looking up to and he is able to carry them along in all aspects.

Anah Okoh, Trader: He is the one who is able to see his wife as a partner and not someone who is inferior to him. Every man is created without any help for himself and women are the mates. They are weak, when it comes to some issues. So, a good man sees his wife as a partner and not someone he can use his ego to suppress.

Funmi Alayo, Teacher: I don’t think we have any good man in the age that we are. Eighty per cent of the women do not enjoy the goodness God created men to be. This set of women depend on God or their children to give them the joy they deserve from their husbands. To me, there is no good man at all. Only God is good.

Nike Ogungbure, Nurse: A good husband is the one who provides for the needs of his family. He does not neglect his responsibility for the wife and the children. Physical needs are not enough, he must be there whenever they need him, he must be a head that no one else is taking over his role. His work must not take the place of his home.

Titi Ariyehun, Nurse: A good husband is a man who knows his responsibilities and performs them. He is loving, caring, honest, hardworking and relates well with members of his family. In all he does, he puts God first.

Grace Ademola: He is the one who satisfies his family members. He must be able to give his time, money and attention to his family. Even, he must be ready to lay down his life for the family. I know a man who ran away and left his wife and children when armed robbers came to their house. Is that a man who is meant to head and protect his home? So, a good husband is one who is ready to give what it takes to please the members of his family. Emmanuel Mary, Secretary: A good husband is the one who is in charge of his home. He does not need to prove his ego before he takes charge. A good man is there for his home financially, spiritually and morally. He keeps them going and satisfies his wife and the children.

Felicia Adeyemo, Teacher: A good husband is a mature adult, who has the capacity of tolerating his wife. He is responsible and he takes care of the whole family. He realises he is the head and does not treat his other parts badly. In all, he is a mature-minded man.

Deborah Julius, Chemist: A good husband is the one who is concerned about the emotional feelings of his wife. He does not want anything to tamper with the wife’s emotion and he transfers the love he has for her to the children.

Titi Owolabi, Haird Beautician: A good man will definitely make a good husband and today, such men are rare. It takes the grace of God to see such a man in this present age. Men are not sincere beings, no apology for this, but I am so sure of what I am saying. They are pretenders; wolves in sheep clothings. There is no one that is perfect but men can be worse. A good man should be there for his family, respect his wife and not treat her like a second fiddle but accept her as his other half. A good man is not the one who pretends to love you during courtship and turns into a demon when you marry him. During courtship, men pretend to love you. They can give you heaven, but when you are safely in their house, you are in for it. If not that marriage is necessary, I am telling you, some men are not worth marrying at all because most of the time, they exhibit some animalistic behaviours.

Nkiruka Kanu, Businesswoman: A good man is hard to find. Such a man must be a creature from heaven. It is true that majority of men are poor in their character; but there are still some of them that are good. We can’t rule out the fact that the world is bad and people are being drifted along with the happenings around, but this should not prevent a man from being good.
A good man should be humble, disciplined, so as to lead his childrenand must be honest and kind. He should also create time for his family.

Ayo Oluwatoki, student: There is no good man anywhere.Every man these days is a cheat. If you cannot beat them, then join them. Most men who are bad did not just start being bad all of a sudden, it’s either they lack home training or they have decided to imbibe the bad behaviour picked from their friends. To me, there is no man that is good.