Keys to a Healthy Marriage (3)

Dear Reader,
Last week, I taught on effective communication. This week, I will yet be showing you another practical step to a healthy marriage - Overcoming Conflict.

No two people agree on absolutely everything. Avoiding issues or trying to pretend there’s nothing wrong, can create other major problems. A major difference between satisfying and unsatisfying relationships is not whether the couple has conflict or not; it is how the conflict is managed.

Conflict doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with your relationship. It’s important to remember that how you communicate and respond to each other when you’re in conflict, can either strengthen your relationship or tear it down. The followings are some practical ways to overcome conflict.

Use kind words and tone of voice: Consciously work on adding polite, genuinely kind words and phrases to your dialogue with your spouse, such as “please,” “thank you,” and “I so appreciate when you….did so so” Even in the midst of conflict and strong emotions, you can find something about your spouse that you appreciate, and you need to voice it out. It can go a long way in soothing and building a healthy relationship.

Don’t wait for things to build up: If you carry around your complaints and hard feelings and then dump them all at once on your spouse, it’s more likely that it will be too much for him or her to handle and he or she will be automatically defensive and not hear what you have to say. Say what you’re thinking and feeling as soon as it’s appropriate. Don’t wait for things to build up.

Avoid ultimatums: Statements that begin with “You better do this or else…” are not helpful in resolving conflict. They limit options and really back your spouse into a corner, forcing him or her to make a choice neither of you may be happy with.

Listen to what the other person has to say: Everyone has his or her point of view and should have the chance to express it. Don’t interrupt each other. Take turns, and listen. Don’t assume you know what’s going on or how your spouse feels or thinks.

Don’t use sex to smooth over an argument: Sex can be a great part of making up after you’ve worked through a conflict with your spouse. But it’s a poor substitute for really understanding each other on a difficult issue. Also, don’t withhold sex as a threat or use it in a manipulative way.

Don’t fight dirty: Don’t be physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive or manipulative. Don’t intentionally say or do things that you know are upsetting to your spouse. Respect your spouse enough to refrain from dirty fighting.

Don’t use silence as a weapon: The silent weapon is a form of quiet aggression. It is a deadly weapon which will not help you resolve anything and only prolongs the agony of the conflict for both of you. Silence is a form of emotional banishment. Don’t punish your partner by cutting him off and refusing to acknowledge his/her existence. An angry silence communicates the message that your partner is the guilty party, and if she wishes any further contact with you, then he or she will have to apologize and ask for your forgiveness. This is not to be allowed in a healthy marriage. If you want to resolve conflicts effectively, you need to learn how to express resentments in a way that can be heard, acknowledged and resolved. This is of utmost importance in a healthy marriage; without it, small problems become major catastrophes. This shall not be your portion in Jesus’ name.

Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through:
E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com Tel. No: 234-1-7747546-8;