Can she ever be faithful to our marriage vows?

updated: Thursday 25-06-2009

Dear readers,
She was there for him when things went on a downturn; she is beautiful,nice and irresistible but her past was quite shady. Our writer, today, is worried about his future with his fiancee whom he finds hard to trust because of her dark past. Read and advise him. Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

Dear Taiwo,
I noticed that most of the stories published in your column are usually written by women; but since relationship-related problems are not limited to the female gender alone, I hope, as a man, I am permitted to pour out my mind. Whatever the case may be, I trust you will publish my story too.

Really, I thought it was high time I told other people aside my best friend, Debo, who knows about my dilemma before I commit a grave mistake.

In a couple of weeks, I will be getting married to my fiancee of about nine years, but anytime I think of our wedding day, the day I will tie the nuptial knot with Moyo my fiancee, I become very confused and scared.

I am sure you will wonder why a grown-up man could be scared of getting married. I guess I should narrate my story, then you will understand the reason for my fears.

I met Moyo at the university, when she was a jambite, and I was in 200 level. It was at a welcoming party organised by a Christian fellowship on campus – the type that attracts all and sundry.

Moyo was one of those that stood up as first-timers. Right there in the crowd, she was distinct; I mean everything about her was different from the whole lot. She was quite beautiful; her skin glowed in the ray of the halogen light; the dimples on her cheeks could be seen from so far away. She was like a fish out of the water. When it was time for stalites to go and welcome them into the “fold”, I quickly made my way to her side and gave her a brotherly hug. I knew something happened to both of us there and then, but I couldn’t place what it was, and we never said more than 'hi' to each other after the programme until a year after.

Just as we were about starting another academic session, my mother, who was the breadwinner in our home, died and things changed for the worst in our home. Feeding was difficult let alone getting money for school. And my father, well, I don’t wish to go into that for now.

So, when another academic session started, going back to school proved difficult. I had to pull resources together for my younger brother and I; but it was far from the money we had to pay in school, because state universities were expensive.

News had gone round in school that I lost my mother. I was at the bars when Moyo came to sympathise with me and also witnessed the embarrassment I went through when I was unable to complete my school fees.

The following day, someone, anonymously, packed some amount of money and had it sent to me. The money was enough for my brother and I to pay our fees and also feed. I added one and two together and discovered it was Moyo who sent the money to me.

For that singular act, she scored an “A” with me and I knew I wanted her for keeps. Later, I made my feelings known to her. At first she was reluctant; I thought she was playing hard to get but later, I got to know her reasons.

Before entering into the relationship with me, Moyo confessed to me that she dated big men in order to fund her education. The revelation was shocking, but at the same time I was happy because she was sincere enough to reveal the shady aspect of her life to me, before saying "yes" to my proposal.

I really appreciated her sincerity and admonished her to stop this way of life, but she said no, because she was able to get a university admission and funds courtesy her sugar daddies. All she needed was to get out of school, get a good job and say bye-bye to sugar daddies.

She pleaded with me to understand her plight and, in a way, I did, because come to think of it, how many young ladies, these days, can confidently claim that they are not in the same trade with Moyo? Very few.

Aside this, Moyo is everything one desires in a woman. She is beautiful, charming, generous and humble; she is the kind of woman you can flaunt.

All the same, Moyo and I started going out, after her confession and we became inseparable. We were really hot for each other to the extent that our friends were jealous of us.

To say Moyo was there for me was putting it mildly; she became my all in all. She paid my school fees and eventually influenced my NYSC posting through one of her sugar daddies.

Over the years, I got to know Uncle this, uncle that, Chief this and that; I didn’t mind because I knew Moyo had eyes only for me; she only needed their money.

Some of these men became my friends and with all respect, kept away from her after meeting me. Those who proved difficult, she called their bluff or so I thought.

I am not ashamed to admit that one of Moyo’s ex-uncles got me my present job and also encouraged us to quickly get married and live-happily ever after.

The problem at hand right now is, though, we both have good jobs, living moderately well devoid of big daddies, I still have this nagging feelings that Moyo is still dating one or two of these big men.

Sometimes, she buys some expensive ladies' stuffs and she can’t really explain how she got them or the money. Some, she claimed, were gifts, but why would someone give you a gift when you have nothing to celebrate if he has no ulterior motive?

Some other times, she disappears at weekends and cook up cock and bull stories about her whereabouts. When I get angry and question her, she would start to cry, accusing me of not trusting her enough and just looking for a way out of our relationship.

When I was unable to bear this all alone, I decided to confide in my friend, Debo. Moyo is a likeable person, even if she does something wrong, people will overlook her faults. And that was what happened when I spoke with Debo. He felt, maybe, I was being unnecessarily worked up because I knew her past. He said Moyo was an easygoing person; she is charming and nice and these qualities of course would attract people to her. Debo advised me to relax and give her some time and not to accuse her of anything again, until I caught her in the act.

I held my peace but not for too long. Two weeks ago, Moyo did one of her disappearing acts, again; she said she was travelling to Abuja to spend the weekend with our friends who just got married. I saw this as a chance to confirm my suspicion. I phoned Moyo through our friend’s land line, she wasn’t at home. My friend's wife said she went to visit her uncle who coincidentally was in Abuja that very weekend.

Then I called her on her mobile phone, I could hear music like there was a party going on in the background and I asked her which of her uncle’s she was visiting. Oh!, don’t you know Uncle Daniel? She asked me. Of course, I know Uncle Daniel, her maternal uncle. But the Uncle Daniel that I know is not the party type.

I asked her to pass the phone to him so I could speak with him, she had guts to do so. But the uncle Daniel who spoke with me did not sound like the one I knew.

That was it. When Moyo returned from Abuja, I told her my mind and that I no longer want our relationship. You needed to have seen her that night. She wailed like a tortured animal and even tried to commit suicide, when I strolled out for fresh air. Thank God I returned on time to stop her. I felt bad afterwards and we made up again.

After that incident things have been going on well between us. We held our introduction ceremony two weekends ago and we have fixed our wedding date.

Moyo is a good girl; the only snag is this "big uncle" issue I will hate to commit myself totally to Moyo and discover I am putting my life and happiness in jeopardy. I don’t want people to tell me “Afterall, sometimes Moyo bugs me with the fact that she knows I want to leave her because I know her past and I am ashamed of her."

Moyo's past is not my problem but the present and the future.

I appreciate all she did for me; but I still want us both to be happy even if it means going our different ways.

Honestly, I love her and I often wonder what my life would be without Moyo. I am at a crossroad, I need someone to put my mind at rest, please help me.

Dee, Lagos.

Textmate/Pen pals

Ivy a model in her 20s needs both male and female pals. Reach her on 07056810902 if you are interested.

Thoby Oladipupo will like to meet his birthday mates of April 7. Call him on 08054268691 if you are.

Ismail L. needs text pals from all over the world. He can be reached on 07083232640.

Dada Olusoji of TASUED, Ijagun Ijebu-Ode, 300 level wants pen pals aged between 18 and 21 years. Call him on 08027317022.

MOST WANTED

Are you in search of a soul mate, life partner or your other half? You don’t have to travel far to get one. You can write your preference to Heartcopy’s Most Wanted column with your phone number. Contact address is optional. Thanks.

Ayo, 21 years old based in Abuja needs a lady aged between 18 and 20 years for a relationship. Call him on 08060254125/08058594452 if you are interested.

Ayotunde, 24 years old needs a lady for a serious relationship. Interested? Call him on 07088585753.

Anjy, a 30-year-old lady, needs a caring and loving single man for a relationship that will lead to marriage. He must be aged between 37 and 50 years. Any interested man should call 07037942371.

A 35-year-old man needs a mature female friend based in Maiduguri. He can be reached on 08033770835.

Dare, 30 years from Delta, based in Abuja needs a God-fearing loving and beautiful working-class lady, for a serious relationship. Call him on 08060317891.

Bosun needs a God-fearing lady aged between 19 and 22 years, for a serious relationship. Call him on 08075676672.

Jerry needs a pretty lady aged between 22 and 26 for a serious relationship. Call him on 08051538528.

Abraham, 29 years old needs a female life partner. Call him on 07068145053/07059261742 if you are interested.

Tony, 27 years old needs a lady for a committed relationship. Call him on 08062959330.

James, 30 years, a single Urhobo man who resides in Oghara, Delta State, a fresh graduate needs a God-fearing lady aged between 20 and 28 years for a serious relationship. Call him on 07038375566/07056452110.

Yommy, 23 years who resides in Abuja needs a pretty lady who also resides in Abuja for a relationship. Call or text him on 070300370575.

Femi needs a pretty lady aged between 18 and 19 years. Call him on 08078915175.

Yinka 28 years old who works at the Ministry of Agriculture, needs a caring lady aged between 18 and 25 years for a relationship. Call or text him on 08025129548 if you are interested.

Taiwo, a 40-year-old business man needs a lady aged between 26 and 38 years for a serious relationship. Call him on 07066243628..

Rapheal, who resides in Lagos, needs a lady aged between 19 and 22 years who also resides in Lagos. Call him on 08067528506/08082461570.

Israel, 27 years from Ibadan, a student of Ibadan Polytechnic, needs a lady aged between 22 and 26 years for a good relationship. Call him on 07055812844.

Samuel, a retired teacher, needs a partner to spend the rest of his life with. Call or text him on 08039268225/08034076013.

Abiodun Raf Sanjani needs a lady aged between 19 and 22 years for a serious relationship. Call him on 08076051320/08067812902.

Solomon, a student needs a soul mate aged between 19 and 25 years. Interested lady can reach him on 08035072172/08097039747.

Adegboyega Oluwashola, 27 years old from Ogun State, Lagos based needs a God-fearing lady aged between 21 and 28 years for a serious relationship. Call or text him on 0805663527/017463916 if you are interested.