My son's wife is causing trouble within the family

updated: Friday 27-06-2008

Dear readers,
Today's writer is advanced in age and as a good mother who raised her children to love one another, she is worried about the relationship between her only son and his siblings. Please read and advise her as she wants them united even after she may have gone to rest finally.

Dear Taiwo,
I am old and advanced in age, I don’t pray for death now, but if God says this is my time to return to my Maker, who am I to ask Him to hold on or give one more time? I am two years older than the biblical 70 years. If I am asked this question, “Are you fulfilled?", I would say yes, because looking back into my life, I have every cause to thank God. I got married at an early age, I was 22 years but I did not become a mother until I was well over 30 years. With my first pregnancy, I gave birth to a set of twins, a boy and a girl and up till today, my friends call me Mama Mixed-Blessings. Soon after them, came Idowu.

Idowu was only three when my husband died. I was devastated and many people including myself thought all was finished by then, but the grace of God was sufficient for me. The Lord gave me the strength and wherewithal to take care of my children without any support. I am not blaming anyone because I know that we all have our challenges. By the grace of God, I sent my children to school and even through the university. After their youth service, Kehinde, my only son decided to travel out of the country in search of the proverbial golden fleece.

While they were all growing up, the three of them, Taiwo, Kehinde and Idowu were very close to my neighbour's daughter, Marylyn, who is just few months younger than the twin. Because of their close relationship, Marylyn’s mother and I also became friends and we all used to refer to Marylyn then as Kenny’s wife. No one knew she took it serious then or if it was Kenny that took it serious. When Kenny decided to go to the United States, we all thought that was the end of the relationship but we were wrong.
As soon as my son got to the US, he got married to an European woman. Not long after his marriage, his twin sister met and married her own husband and two years after, Idowu too got married and we were all concerned about Marylyn.

Several times, when Taiwo and I discussed about her, Taiwo usually told me that she had advised her to get herself a husband from her numerous admirers but she always said that she was waiting for Kenny, claiming that Kenny was her dream husband. I was worried because she knew Kenny was married, I don’t know what transpired between them but I knew they usually saw each other whenever Kenny came to the country and even whenever he came with his wife and two children.

Maybe, as a result of Kenny's visits and the obvious fact that he had no intention of getting married to Marylyn, Taiwo and Idowu told me they called her as a friend and sister to seriously think about her getting her own man and settling down instead of waiting for a dream that may never come true. I could not say anything because they had already done the talking before telling me about it. If I had known they planned to hold such a talk with her, I would have advised against it, because I had noticed her countenance and that of her mother's when Idowu was jokingly talking to her when she came for my birthday.

This so-called advice led to a big problem because both Marylyn and her mother came to see me and did not mince words to tell me how wicked my daughters were. When I saw the tone of their argument, I pleaded with them and promised to speak with Taiwo and Idowu. However, before they left, Marylyn’s mother did not forget to tell me that she knew I was also a part of the conspiracy behind Kenny not marrying her daughter. She assured me that we shall all see.

As soon as they left, I phoned Kenny to ask if he had at anytime promised Marylyn marriage. He said he didn’t. After their visit, Marylyn and her mother stopped greeting or relating with me. When my children came around and I told them what I noticed, they went back to see Marylyn and her mother, but they did not welcome them. They asked them to wait and see and I learnt that Marylyn told them that, it's either Kenny or no other man and if Kenny refused to marry her, she would commit suicide. Either by coincidence or should I say God’s will, Kenny and his wife had some problems and she left him taking their two children with her back to Germany. Kenny did not tell any of us at home. He told us about 18 months after the incident when he came to Nigeria.

He stayed for about seven months and before he went back he married Marylyn. His marriage to her opened another chapter in our lives. Our once close family fell apart, because Marylyn refused to respect or be friendly with any member of Kenny’s family. She and her mother would not even speak with Taiwo and Idowu and I know that they barely tolerated me. Any attempt to mention or raise this with Kenny would lead to a quarrel and I have pleaded with his siblings to allow the issue to rest as God will settle everything.

It is as bad as it can be. When Marylyn gave birth to her first child, we were all part of the naming ceremony but Kenny’s wife did not hide her feelings to show them they were not welcome. There was no where they met that she wouldn’t insult them. When I raised this issue with her mother, I was shocked at her answer. She told me she had spoken with her daughter to let the sleeping dog lie, because God has given her victory over her enemies and that was enough. I could not but ask who the enemies were, and she told me in plain and clear language that all Kenny’s family members are. She also assured me that none of us can send her daughter away from her matrimonial home.

I was too shocked to reply her. I, as an elderly person can stomach all their nonsense, but my children could not. They both kept their distance from Marylyn. She resides in Nigeria while Kenny stays in the US. When she had her second child, Taiwo and Idowu did not go to see her or attend the naming ceremony. She communicated this to Kenny and he stopped communicating with his siblings too. I was also surprised that Kenny came home and didn’t even see any of us. We met at their uncle’s birthday party and when his sisters raised this issue, it became a big fight that some of their father’s extended family members had to intervene.

Kenny refused to listen to anyone, he stormed out of the party with his wife. I made several attempts to get in touch with him but without success. Taiwo and Idowu too are very angry with me for looking for him. They are of the opinion that when he gets over his “temporary madness”, he shall come back. Taiwo, I don’t know what to do. In Yorubaland, it is a general belief that no one can come between a set of twins and their Idowu. Why is this happening to my children? We don’t have anything against Marylyn and no one wants to chase her out of Kenny’s home, why is she doing this to my family?

Muibat, Lagos.

Link Me Up

Please link me up with my friend, Mr. Fola Daniel, the NAICOM boss or Commissioner for Insurance, who appeared on your Business and Economy column of Monday, April 14, 2008. We lost contact in Jos, Plateau State in 1986, when he was with Great Nigerian Insurance Company Limited. I am Mr. Ben K.A. Emoghene, Green Gate Enterprises, Lokoja. 08033800280.

Link me up with my classmates at 4, Mechanized Brigade Nursery and Primary School, Ilorin. Also link me up with Yinka Babalola and Bukola Afolabi. I am Kemi Obafemi, 08076931916.

Link me with my friends, Edith Adaba Meg, Eka, Udueyoh. I am Rose, 08023105318/07038348634.

Link me up with my course mates at SACOED, Oyo, 1992 set, PHE Dept. My name is Raji, NAN. (Rajee), 08059407177.

Link me up with Mr. Rotimi Okunbido. We were together in Abuja in 1999 before I left for Akwa Ibom. I am Biodun Alabi, 08025778820.

Link me up with Lekan Fagade. We worked together at Taolas in year 2000 before he got a job in the Presidency. I am Dayo Awofesobi, 08034301193.

Odunlowo Tunde and Kunle Biu, where are you? We were friends at the 3rd Amoured Division, Jos, Plateau State during our NYSC programme in 1999/ 2000. This is Aminu. I can be reached on 08060226910.

Link me up with Ojo Grace. We both attended Army Day Secondary School. I am Peter. I can be reached on 08052537734.

Please help me to locate Blessing Uzo. She was my classmate at Community Primary School in 1997. She can contact me on 08077249888. I am Amaobi Irechukwu.