‘Blind Love Leads To Quick Sex’

By Toluwani Olamitoke

LET’s face it, we all want to find love, and sometimes while looking for that perfect one, we sometimes make bad or wrong choices and fall for the wrong person. Some of us do believe there exists such a thing as love at first sight. You walk into a crowded room and as you gaze at the countless faces, you come face to face with your soul mate. And from then on, it’s like a fairy tale come true. And you live happily ever after.

There’s no disputing the fact that today, visual attraction has become a key factor in establishing romance or a relationship, while individuals do tend to make snap judgements about each other based on appearances.

Chief (Mrs.) Seun Sina-Alli, an educationist and entrepreneur in a rapport with Women Affairs readily disagreed with the idea of blind love, while explaining why it does not stand the test of time in most marriages.

Giving her reason, she declared, “When you are young, you don’t really know what you want; hence, at this stage, love is assumed or regarded as blind. Usually, blind lovers are swayed by the good looks or physical attributes of their partners.”

Going further, she emphasised “...but when you are older, your partner’s physical attributes would no longer make enough appeal to the extent of making you stay in love.”
In most cases, mature couples have learnt to accept some unfavourable situations in wedlock, while they have also devise means of coping positively with them, and with the hope that with time, things will get better.

But today, we constantly hear of couples who daily complain of their spouses’ irritating habits, uncouth manners and loose behaviours, among other things, while some do quarrel or fight over matters that other spouses would consider minor or that which they would have settled with their partners amicably.

According to research, a majority in the latter group had relied on physical appearance as the basis or measure for starting a relationship. These also seek that kind of love or romance that only exists in movies.

“Seventy per cent of blind love or love at first sight do not work out, because time will eventually open one’s eyes to certain realities that would make one realise that he or she has been living in a world of fantasy,” explained the educationist. The educationist-cum-businesswoman disclosed, “Such blind love usually leads to quick sex. It’s a crazy love and since it is concerned mainly about physical attributes, it ultimately leads to sex, nothing morally inspiring or encouraging.”

According to her, “A relationship anchored on blind love could be catastrophic.” With the rising divorce rate, it is assumed or believed that couples don’t take the time to work through their problems, but rather jump from one relationship to another while some others in a bid to find their feet or bearing in wedlock have been drowned by the magnitude of the problem.

Buttressing this point, Chief Sina-Alli explained, “Some spouses have ended up as psychiatric patients or have psychiatric problems when they are finally in the know of who their partners really are. This showed that the true colour which the other had been blind to all along had just been discovered.”

As gathered from mature lovers or partners, true love grows with time. And as love grows, the blind begins to really see while the relationship grows and flourishes. On this, the educationist confirmed, “True love, I believe, grows with time. It is not automatic. I have been able to make a success of my marriage and business because I carried my husband and children along with all my activities – including the financial aspect. Nothing about me was hidden from my children since their primary school days.”

She added, “The first thing to do to be successful in marriage is to commit every aspect of one’s life and the family into prayers. Then, you lay your cards on the table. “If your children know what you are worth, they would not make excessive demands of you, and will also try in their little way to guard the family’s resources.

“I also have it at the back of my mind that if I die, I will not take my money to the grave.” While stressing on the kind of relationship that exists between her and her husband, she disclosed, “I have learnt to always come straight with my husband. I don’t tell him lies because I want to spare myself the stress of having to come up with more lies to cover up the initial ones. If you tell a lie, you need about 10 more lies to cover up the first. This could be stressful and can affect your relationship, business and chances of making way or progress.

Speaking of her younger days, she recounted, “When I was young, I had lots of friends, but I didn’t have the much emphasized love feelings. I started sensing love at age 21 and this was at a time when people started talking about love around me. The issue of love started making sense to me at this stage. I now took a paper and listed out eight things I expected in my man. At this age, I knew what I wanted.”

She emphasised, “Among the men who approached me, some scored five out of eight points; some two, while the highest scorer was the man I eventually married.” Mrs. Sina-Alli submitted, “When you see a man or lady for the first time, you are not likely to know all his or her faults. But after interacting with him or her, you become aware of his frailties and foibles. True love grows at this point. It is true love because you know him or her well. Love, I believe, grows with time.”